Stephanie Inspired

2011- Here we come!

2010-12-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

What is it about a new year that makes us feel we have to resolve to change?

I remember my one and only New Year's resolution last year was to lose weight. Well, I did. I lost 20-25 pounds (depends on the day haha!) and kept it off all year. Huge accomplishment for someone who struggles with food so deeply.

So looking ahead to 2011 I am thrilled to say that for the first time since I was about 13 I am NOT resolving to lose weight this year. I'd like to lose a few more pounds, but it's not a resolution. I know how to do it- it's a matter of just doing it.

So what are my 2011 resolutions?! Well, I have a few. Some are health and fitness related, some are not. Here are my plans.

1- Continue practicing yoga regularly (at least 2 times a week). Let's face it- I can only get better than this... circa March 2010 lol. I'm happy to say I am far less clumsy now. And far more flexible.

2- Eat more fruits and veggies. Simply because I should.

3- Cook more- eat out less. I have a nasty nasty habit of grabbing take out when John works late... which is at least 3 times a week. This will also lead to my next goal...

4- Save more money! Eating out certainly does lead to more money spent than need me. Plus the more I cook the more material I have for my food blog.

5- And my last goal, but probably my largest, is to really work on my food blog and take it to an even higher place. I plan to launch a new and improved design at some point in January (woo hoo) and I'm actively working on my pictures. This blog (as in the one you are reading now, not my food blog) has become more of a personal diary but I really want to work and develop my food blog further.

I feel if I can do these I will achieve a healthier mind, body, and spirit. All of which are important to me.

What about you? Any big plans for the New Year?

Post Holidays

2010-12-28T19:30:00.000-05:00

Hey there!

This will be super quick- I'm running out the door to yoga. I NEVER go to the gym at night but John is on his way home for snowboarding with friends and I figured why not!? I actually went to the gym already today to run on the treadmill... it was the first time I had done cardio in over a month. I've been doing yoga 3 times a week religiously, but that was it. I needed some cardio back in my life. I missed the feeling.

My eating has been OFF THE WALLS haha. I'm happy to report I was back to normal today- woo hoo. The past week I'd eaten way too much sugar and junk. It gets addictive- once you start I find it super hard to stop. Yet when I "detox" off the excessive sugar/white flour I don't miss it.

Like I said, short. Yoga is calling my name. Namaste.

Open Letter

2010-12-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Fudge, Cookies, and Candy,

Hi there, it's me, Stephanie. I have to tell you, we have been on a long journey together. I've loved the three of you since I was a young child. Now, 20 some odd years later, I am a woman who enjoys fitting into my pants, and you are becoming more and more of a pest.

I know, I know... it's Christmas time, it's your time to SHINE. And shine you have... daily. I look at you across the table and tell myself "Self, you're good, leave it for others." I then glance back, glance away, glance back.... until eventually you lure me in with your buttery sweet, velvety allure. I take a bite, I moan, I throw my head back in glee... and I assure you I am done with you. Until you lure me again... and again... and again...

Well today you and I battled... I ate more of you than I wanted. I gave up all self-control and threw myself into you with reckless abandon. Gosh, you are so addictive... I even thought "THE HECK WITH IT! IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! GET.IN.MY.BELLLYYYYYY!"

You see, I am a bit ashamed of you, you sneaky little snacks. I've spent the past year learning to eat you in moderation. MODERATION. But you don't like that, not this time of year, oh noooooo.... no no no... you keep tempting me.

So my dear sweets, you have won today. I rocked extra hard in yoga to try to atone for my sins with you. I'd love to say I am done with you. I'd love to say I have gained control over you. But, who knows what tomorrow will bring. All I know is I can't wait for December 26 when your buttery, chocolatey, crumbily goodness isn't in my face daily.

Signed,
A Woman Who Has Lost Her Self-Control... Badly

::wink::

Quick Update, then ZzZzZz

2010-12-15T21:54:00.000-05:00

Howdy!

So I have to keep this short, I am running on fumes at this point... I have baked 5 varieties of cookies over the past 2 nights for my holiday cookie platers, plus done a ton of other cooking... my kitchen has been on FIRE! You'll see the updates on my food blog soon.

This weekend John and I escaped to Vermont for John's big 3-0. I can't believe he's 30, I feel he was just the ~~old~~ amazing 23 year old guy hitting on a ~~beautiful, amazing, wonderful~~ 19 year old at a sorority mixer.... where has the time gone?! So anyway, in Vermont I tried to snowboard. I was pretty ~~good~~ horrible and spent most of the time doing this:

Snowboarding is not for the faint of heart. I thought I was going to die at several points. I liked it as much as you can like something you just CAN'T DO! I hurt in places I didn't even know I had...

Just for fun, here's Johnny Boy and I celebrating with an amazing dinner.

Don't look too closely- you won't see anything too healthy on the table... oh wait- I do see a salad at the back... I did order that with good intentions, until the buffalo chicken pizza arrived... snort.

Tonight I made my return to yoga... I didn't go Monday because I couldn't even feel my legs after snowboarding. Today I ROCKED yoga. It was amazing... I think it was my best yoga experience to date. I was able to do things I haven't been able to do. I was a bit disappointed though- we didn't do any balancing work and that's my fave... oh well.

**On another note... I received the kindest comment on my blog today from a new reader. It motivated me to get up and get to yoga even though I wasn't in the "mood" since I had a lot to do. It's amazing what a few kind words can do- so THANK YOU for all of the positive feedback you all share with me. You say I motivate you, well no- you motivate ME!**

One Year

2010-12-08T20:10:00.000-05:00

One year ago today I joined Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time. I had hit my rock bottom. I remember laying there on the couch, digging my hands into the fibers of the couch, and screaming tears of pain. I was so miserable on the inside. I was so upset with how I had let myself go and how I had lost myself somewhere along the line.

I turned to John and I begged, BEGGED, him to admit that he was more attracted to me when I was thinner. I wanted to hear him say those words. How sick, right? But inside I felt like a failure- like nobody could be attracted to me. I wanted my husband to "guilt" me into getting my act together.

Of course John didn't give me that guilt, he's far too kind for that, but he gave me the motivation I needed to recommit to WW.

Something was different from the get go. I'm not 100% sure why, but I think when you really hit your rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up. I remember feeling new again almost instantly. Last year I joined right before the holiday season, or truly in the midst of it, because when you are at your rock bottom little things like holidays don't stop you from achieving your goals. I lost over a pound the week of Christmas and over a pound the week of New Years.

I stayed on WW until April. I was dedicated and tracked every point I ate. Somewhere along the lines I became aware of intuitive eating and I took the plunge, spending 8 months of this past year eating intuitively. I was able to maintain my loss, but didn't lose the final ten pounds.

I have been a bit unfocused since September, but just recently started feeling really lost. I knew this one year anniversary was looming and the last thing I wanted to do was get to this day and feel like I was lost again. So I joined WW on Sunday and am back on track. I feel so good again. It's only been a couple days but eating right is just so much more rewarding.

So one year... 20 pounds... and many lessons learned. I can't believe how far my life has come and how much further I am in this journey. I'm looking forward to the next year ahead. I now know I cannot EVER go back to the woman I was a year ago...

WW+Intuitive Eating

2010-12-07T21:06:00.000-05:00

So today is my first "official" day on WW even though I started Sunday. I weigh in on Tuesdays so today was my kick off.

I'm not abandoning my intuitive eating roots. I am actually working to combine the two in a way that works for me. So I'm counting points, tracking them, etc. However, I'm taking the focus off the points and putting it onto my hunger. For example tonight after dinner I was HUNGRY. Not "Oh, I could go for a snack" but legitimately hungry. So I ate a larger snack and counted the points. In the past I would have ignored the hunger for I didn't want to dip into my flex, or I'd eat a snack but "bargain" with what I would take away from the points later. I am one of those people who ate every.single.point I was given (for the most part) but I typically ate them in restaurants, so I like to be savvy with them.

This time around I'm not concerned about the points/weekly points allowance. I'm concerned with regaining control over my portions/eating habits, and getting myself back on some type of track. I'm also not going to eat just because I have the points. I feel very comfortable listening to my hunger signals after eight months of intuitive eating, and I refuse to throw that out the window to simply follow a set number.

So I guess I'm trying to create a hybrid of the two. While WW is the exact opposite of intuitive eating I guess I'm taking the parts I like from each and putting them together. We'll see, but I think it'll work just fine.

Off to go do tons of laundry... John's big 3-0 is this weekend and we are going snowboarding so I need to get stuff done around here!

Thoughts... Briefly

2010-12-06T22:13:00.000-05:00

I went to the gym for the first time in two weeks... yay... it's about time.

Yoga kicked my butt- 2 weeks off and I am no longer half as limber as I once was... how does that happen?!

I ate really well today... finally.

I find myself combining WW and intuitive eating... I'm tracking points but I am not stressing like I once did. I'm trying to find balance.

I really want to buy a one piece bathing suit so I can go to water aerobics at my gym... really badly.

I've been so productive tonight that I feel like it's time to go to sleep. Off to bed!

Back to My Roots

2010-12-05T19:36:00.000-05:00

I did it. I joined WW online today. Saturday night we were at my mom's celebrating Hanukkah and I had a very hard morning. I felt HUGE. Nothing fit right and I just felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Fast forward to dinner, my aunt took a picture of me and she showed it to my dad and they both made a "Yikes!" face. My aunt said to my father something like, "I'll delete it- she won't like it." I instantly felt self-conscious.

On the way home I decided I was rejoining WW. The thing is, I don't NEED to feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I know what to do, I know how to do it, and truth be told I ENJOY doing it. Some people feel limited or deprived, I like the structure for weight loss.

When I quit WW in April I had hit my goal weight and decided to try out intuitive eating. Today, 8 months later, I got on the scale and I was down .6 from my last time on WW. So truly, IE worked for me. It allowed me to maintain my weight loss for 8 months, which is a huge deal to me.

I'm not sure why I feel so heavy when I'm still the same weight. It has to do with my eating habits and honestly I'm just not getting it together on my own. I'm eating junk and the past two weeks I have started my "witching hour" routine. My "witching hour" routine is a huge part of what led me to be overweight. I'd get home from school at 4:30, and from 4:30-5:30 I'd eat completely mindlessly. I'd rush and shove food in my mouth. UGH. This week I found myself slowlllyyyyy creeping back to this. It has been a year since I experienced my "witching hour"and it was a huge wake up call when I realized I was doing it again.

I will NOT let myself gain 20 pounds back before I get back on track. In some ways it feels like coming home... I feel safe with WW. I've lost weight on it twice (although I've joined and lost/gained/lost 3,434,345 times). I've worked for WW. I truly love it. Yet, I also really really really love intuitive eating. Unfortunately for me intuitive eating required a mindfulness that I am lacking right now. I will always look to intuitive eating for maintenance. 8 months I was within a 4 pound range and that was all intuitive. But now I'd like to lose about 10 more pounds to get to my personal goal... and I'd like to regain some control.

I'm off to go read about this new plan... I don't know much about it. I'm officially starting Tuesday, my normal ol' weigh in day, so tonight and tomorrow will be spent getting to know the plan. Should be fun!

New Day

2010-11-28T10:10:00.000-05:00

I woke up bright and early today to ~~run~~ drive to the store. I have more or less given up on ShopRite, my big local food store. I found this amazing new Italian deli by me that has wonderful fresh produce, a huge aisle of homemade hot Italian food (um... yum!), an amazing butcher and seafood department, great homemade breads, and a small grocery section with packaged goods. I try to do my weekly shopping there because it's cheaper (believe it or not- I even got 15 thin sliced chicken breasts for $5!) and healthier. Most of the stuff they sell is REAL food and not sold in boxes. Not to mention it's supporting a small local business- another bonus.

So anyway, I digress. I went to this place today and stocked up on fresh, healthy food. I feel better just knowing I have these healthier options in my house. It's been awhile since my house was stocked with good stuff. I wanted to go running today but I doubt it'll happen. I have been sick for the past two days and my ears/throat are killing. I plan to definitely go to yoga tomorrow unless it gets worse, but I think I need to rest today (even though I've rested for like 2 weeks... ugh!)

For some reason I feel less guilt today. I think being honest with myself and realizing that I had been slipping was big. I think posting about it is in some ways therapeutic. I feel like I'm heading in a much better direction- thank goodness!

Honesty

2010-11-27T10:28:00.000-05:00

So hello there! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I certainly did.

When I started this blog earlier this year I did it partially for me, but I really did it for my readers. I had a lot of people who read my cooking blog who were very interested in my weight loss journey and I was in constant communication through e-mail about it, so I decided why not make it public, why not make a second blog to simply focus on my weight loss journey.

Somewhere along the way this blog became less and less about me and more and more about presenting myself for others. I blame this 100% on myself, but that change of focus was not positive in my life.

You see, since September my eating habits have been backsliding. I am not really gaining weight, I am actually still within the same 3 pound rage since then, but I just have been eating more and more junk and less and less healthy food. How I haven't gained a lot of weight yet is interesting, but truly it's right around the corner. I can't go back to my old habits and expect to stay the way I am.

While I haven't gained weight by body is changing, and not for the positive. It's a bit... softer. Heh. That probably has to do with my lack of exercise combined with my lack of whole foods.

I had debated rejoining WW, not to lose weight but to regain structure. I know they are launching a new plan and it sounds better. I'd be interested in going to a meeting to get the info on it. If I did rejoin I would do it online, that works well for me. Yet, all along I felt "I can't rejoin- my blog talks about letting go of dieting and WW is a diet!" See how silly this is? 'Cause I do! I need to do what works FOR ME.

So I've made a little plan in my head. I'm giving myself a couple weeks to concentrate on healthy eating. My house is basically empty as far as food goes so I am going to the farmers market in a few minutes and buying some good stuff. If I can get back to my healthy roots in the next few weeks, beautiful. If not I'll go back to WW to gain some structure. I really would prefer to not go to WW, simply because I don't want to lose weight and it seems silly to pay money to maintain my weight, but truly I need to do what I need to do to regain my sense of balance.

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of beginning this journey and on that day (December 8) I'd much rather feel like I am back on track of healthy eating and not floundering. It's important to me because I never want to be overweight again and I never want to be inactive again. Here we go...

Mirror Mirror on The Wall...

2010-11-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

I am a firm believer that the saying "You are what you eat" holds a lot more truth than most people believe. When I eat well (meaning primarily fruits and veggies, whole grains, unprocessed whole snacks like nuts and cheese, and lean proteins) I feel awesome. I feel "skinny". However, at the same exact weight, when I eat junk I feel "fat." Now I am smart enough to know that a few (or a lot... stop judging me...) pieces of junk isn't enough to make me gain 10 pounds overnight, but I will physically feel the weight instantly.

Recently my food choices have been a bit... off. I've been far less healthy than I should be and I am taking steps to correct my choices. But I've noticed that when I eat like this it makes me feel so gross. I feel bloated and I feel like I look pregnant.

I hold all of my weight in my belly, and most of it sinks to my lower belly, so when I gain weight I actually do look pregnant. Lucky me, for sure. The past two times when I've gone to yoga I have become obsessed with the mirror. Obsessed. I will stare at my body in these interesting poses and zone in on my belly. I will say the most disgusting things to myself inside my head. I will degrade and demean myself the whole time.

And yet... is this not the EXACT opposite purpose of yoga?! You know... that whole mind+body connection.

It's gotten to the point where I was considering moving my spot to a place where I can't see a mirror. Sick.

So I am writing this post because tomorrow I go to yoga and I need to get over it. I am NOT changing my spot. I am not hiding from myself. I need to learn to treat myself more kindly and stop saying such hurtful things to myself.

Here are the steps I'm taking. These aren't vows or big goals- just a few little steps that I will take tomorrow (and hopefully onward) to get back on path and overcome my mental block:
1- Packing healthy meals for breakfast and lunch tomorrow. I eat both meals at work so pre-planning is essential.
2- Reread some of "Naturally Thin" by Bethenny Frankel tonight- I've been meaning to reread it for a long time now.
3- Concentrate on the mind+body connection in yoga tomorrow and stop staring at my gut in the mirror.

Little things go a long way... here's to hoping tomorrow is better.

"I cheated"

2010-11-05T10:47:00.000-04:00

As I type this I'm ~~moping about how today's my last day off~~ watching Rachel Ray. She has an obese teenager named Christina on. They are following her journey to lose weight and documenting it on the RR show. As I was watching this I heard the girl say "I cheated on my diet."

As I heard those words I remembered all the times I said it. I can remember eating brownies and thinking "Ok... I'm cheating, here goes." I could remember the feeling of "Well, I already cheated, so I might as well just go CRAZY and eat whatever I want." Then I'd wake up with guilt, eat MORE, and eventually weigh in at WW and be up multiple pounds. Then I'd go nuts that week being "good", lose weight, feel deprived, and "cheat."

Ah... quite the cycle, no?

If I could grab through the screen and grab Christina, I'd shake her and say "YOU DIDN'T CHEAT! YOU LIVED!" Eating a piece of cake at a birthday party is a part of life. And if it's not, then I don't want to live the type of life where you don't get cake once in awhile.

Freeing yourself from that horrible cycle of "cheating" is when you accept that no foods are off limits. It was the most liberating moment of my life when I realized I COULD eat a slice of cake without guilt. When I realized I COULD eat a slice of cake and not eat a bag of chips too since I had "already cheated."

This episode has saddened me. The cycle of abusing food is so powerful. I was in a state of depression about my weight and this cycle of guilt just perpetuated this feeling. I know as I am writing this there are so so many women (and men) who feel this. I don't claim to have all of the answers, I surely don't have them all, but I do know that freeing yourself of the "I cheated" mentality is one of the most powerful tools on the journey to living a healthy life.

If you're wondering how I broke the cycle, it was one event. I read "Naturally Thin" by Bethenny Frankel. If you read this blog you know I love that book... but it was life changing for me. If you currently suffer from the "I cheated" mentality, please read that book. It can change your life too.

Lesson Learned

2010-11-01T12:32:00.000-04:00

Today, I thought I was going to die. For real.

I went to spin at 9 (no work this week- woo hoo!) and was feeling a bit "off" as I drove. You see... yesterday I took all of the lessons I've learned about healthy eating and threw them out the door. I threw them so far they landed in California. I then proceeded to eat CANDY, FRIED FOOD, and... wait for it... wait for it... a MILKSHAKE. ALL IN ONE DAY. Now this isn't "crazy" per say, but considering how I eat now, this was nutty. And oh man did I feel it. All night my stomach was lecturing me.

So I digress... back to spin.

Needless to say I wasn't working with proper fuel in my belly. The whole class I was feeling sharp pain in my sides, to the point where I audibly groaned twice. Aside from my stomach punishing me the teacher was also punishing me. She was insane and kept yelling "UP THE INTENSITY! CLIMB! GO FAST!" Gah lady- if you weren't so pregnant and I wasn't so scared of trouble I'd smack your face.

I left the gym as soon as class ended, went to my car, and assessed whether I thought I was seriously going to die. My stomach was chilling out a bit but ugh... not the best experience.

I'm happy to report that 2 hours (and a Costco trip) later I feel all better. It was probably due to Costco... I love that place.

But lesson learned- I can't hang like I used to. I can't eat junk all day and function the following day. I got it body- you made your point- and I promise to feed you fruit and veggies today. You win.

Halloween Candy... Friend or Foe?

2010-10-30T17:46:00.001-04:00

Heyyyyyy. Thanks for your kind words in my last post- I know it was over a week ago so you might not even REMEMBER the last time I posted, but I did appreciate it. The kindness of strangers can be quite amazing :)

So... back to the topic at hand... Halloween's tomorrow. I love Halloween. Halloween is the start of the holiday season in my mind. I know, I know, it's really Thanksgiving, but it in my own little happy world, it's Halloween.

I have such fond memories of Halloween. My dad used to take us on marathon trick-or-treating sessions. I mean HOURS or trick-or-treating and he'd plan neighborhoods where the houses were close and there weren't too many stairs to get to the front door. We'd fill whole pillowcases with candy. It was amazing. Now as a grown up I yearn for the day I can ~~torture~~ delight my child with marathon sessions.

But with Halloween comes.... HALLOWEEN CANDY!!!

Does it make you hide in fear? Have you been secretly eating stashes of it? Have you gone through a bag (or two...) and the holiday hasn't even arrived?!?!?!

I remember reading the Weight Watchers forums back in the day when I was on WW and hearing the fear that candy brings upon people. I was once one of them. So I know this can be a challenging time for many. I know that it can be hard to resist the temptation of the sweet treats.

I am finally at a point in this journey where I can control myself with open candy and eat a piece and be done with it. It took a long time and a lot of intuitive practice, but I don't fear food anymore and therefore I don't binge on Halloween candy. But I still love that darn stuff and happily enjoy a piece now and then! Someone asked me how I can now do this when I didn't used to be able to. For me, it was finally 100% allowing myself to eat it. If I want it, I eat it... and I DON'T REGRET IT. The regret leads to a feeling that what you did was wrong, which leads to shame, which can even lead to more eating. When I broke the cycle I realized I don't want 10 mini Twix, but I do want one or two, and that's ok.

For me it was the denial of the candy. The feeling that I "shouldn't" eat the candy. The fact that I assumed if I ate a piece I had to eat 10 (or 20...) pieces. The fact that I'd then have to hide the wrappers to not feel the shame. Letting all of this go, letting myself have a piece and judge if I actually wanted more rather than just taking another piece, has freed me of that cycle. Thank goodness too because life's too short to not enjoy some candy.

So I ask you... Halloween candy... friend or foe?

I'm Still Alive

2010-10-21T19:47:00.001-04:00

Heyyyyyy!

It's been 3 weeks since my last update... yikes! I got a lovely comment from a concerned reader wondering where I have been. Well, to be honest, my life has gotten beyond chaotic. I am in the middle of a hard time within my personal life and I am literally going to work, dealing with this situation, and then going to sleep. Nothing else. I have been updating my food blog simply because I get paid for that blog (oops, is that shameful to admit?!) but that doesn't mean I don't think about you all the time. I just can't keep up with both right now.

I will tell you that I have never been under so much personal stress and it has led to a lot of weight loss. I have lost about 6 pounds in 2 weeks. And for the first time in my life I'm NOT HAPPY to be losing weight. I don't want to be missing meals and stressing and not eating, but sometimes life gets in the way. I know that I will gain it back once my life becomes stable again and I'm actually looking forward to that because this isn't the "good kind" of weight loss.

I know some people stress eat but that's not me. When I am stressed my stomach is in constant knots and the thought of eating is repulsive. Now don't worry, I'm still eating- NOTHING makes me completely stop eating. But I am just unable to eat like the champ that I am.

This isn't a post to ask for pity, it's just to let you know that like I have always said on this blog that I am a real person and sometimes life gives you lemons. I don't know when things will settle down but I will attempt to poke in from time to time because believe me, I'm not quitting this blog nor my journey to be a healthy person. Even through the hell that I am going through I am trying to be healthy. I even went to yoga yesterday to try to quiet the mind... and I did! I fell right to sleep during savasana.... ooops!

So thanks for sticking with me... I'm still here! And I pinky promise to not go 3 weeks without an update again!

Spin Win

2010-10-07T18:58:00.000-04:00

I finally made it to my new gym. I went to spin tonight and be still my heart, I loved it as much as I remember. Today was an INSANE day at work where everything that could go wrong did so I just pushed my little booty to the limit. I may not be able to walk tomorrow. We shall see.

While I was there the instructor said something that rocked me. He said "It doesn't matter who has higher resistance. It doesn't matter who spins the fastest. It doesn't matter who has the fanciest gear. What matters is who has the heart to keep doing it."

SO TRUE! SO VERY TRUE. Outside of spin, it just relates to everything, particularly fitness related goals. It doesn't matter if it takes you 2 years to lose 20 pounds when your friend lost it in a month. It doesn't matter if it takes you two hours to run a 5k when that speed-demon neighbor did it in 20 minutes. What matters is if we each keep going and tugging along at our own pace.

Look- I never thought I'd be where I am 10 months after I started this journey. Sometimes I still think "Man, I'd love to lose 5 more pounds" while other times I think "Ahhh... this is the perfect weight for me." What I've learned though is that if I keep doing it, keep moving, keep eating well, with time it all works. Honestly- today was my first time exercising in almost 2 weeks. Am I proud? No. But am I proud I showed up today? YES.

So I leave you with one final thought- it doesn't matter what mistakes you've made yesterday, today, or even right now. What matters is what you do next.

Off to shower and force the hubster to take me out to a good dinner. After today the thought of cooking makes me want to die.

So I Did It

2010-10-04T18:59:00.000-04:00

Howdy. Long time no "see."

I went and joined the new gym today! ::Swoon::

It's so shiny, and new, and pretty, and fun, and.... yay. I'm excited.

It has a big pool which I am excited about, lots and lots of classes (at very convenient times might I add!) and I got a pretty decent monthly rate. Not to mention the machines are nice and even have iPod charging docks built in. Is that standard?! I've never seen it before- but it certainly excited me.

My only meh moment came when deciding what to do. Those men that they have take you around are so so pushy. I mean, I didn't even have time to think. I KNEW I wanted to join, but they gave me an option of like 10 different ways to pay (basically the more I put down the less I pay a month) so I was trying to do the math and pick an option. Then he brings in his manager and HE starts in on me. It's little-ol-me and these two huge dudes begging me to join. I then made a big mistake- I said "You sure are good salesmen." HAHAHA! Don't EVER say that apparently. The one got so insulted- it was insane- grow some thicker skin buddy. I ended up signing on the spot even though I wanted to think about it... can you say SUCKAAAA?

But anyway I am excited. It's something to look forward to and it's really the little something I need to take me out of this exercise rut. I am hoping my meeting tomorrow isn't long because I really want to go to spin at 5:30... I'll be sad if I can't get there.

Have you had any interesting experiences trying to join a gym? We're you stronger than I was or did you cave too?

EW! Gross! DELETE!

2010-09-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

The title of the post is a quote I have said ~~daily~~ very often when I look at pictures of myself. Not so much lately, but in the past I'd delete every picture because it was a "bad" picture. And typically when I liked a picture it was because I was hidden behind someone else! Self confidence was lacking to say the least!

So Saturday I was getting ready to go for a run and I looked in the mirror and thought "Hey! I like my reflection! I feel strong in this outfit!" So I quickly ran downstairs, grabbed my camera, and had a little early morning photo shoot. And by the way- don't comment on my mismatched socks. I already know. I wasn't planning on doing a photo shoot- it just kinda happened. ::wink wink::

I think it's important to celebrate the times when we feel proud of ourselves. We are all quick to judge ourselves and notice our own imperfections, yet we are more reluctant to celebrate the times when we are proud.

On a totally unrelated note- I need some feedback. I feel like my eating has gotten a bit sloppy and boring. I was considering going back to posting what I eat each day, but I don't know if that's a bit played out and redundant since so many other blogs do it. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. I do think it will help me be a bit more accountable and build back up the good habits...

So tell me, keep the blog as it is, or go back to adding what I eat each day? I'll ultimately make the decision for myself, I'm just curious what you have to say!

If It Makes You Happy...

2010-09-23T20:13:00.000-04:00

So in my last post I mentioned that I wanted to challenge myself to eat in a way that makes me happy. I have to tell you, it's only been two days, but I LOVE THIS! It's so simple and yet exactly what I needed.

I have been exhausted from not getting enough sleep so I came home from work today so tired. I fell asleep around 5:50 and woke up around 6:30. Without much thought I hopped in my car to go pick up something to eat for dinner because John was going to be working late. As I was driving I kept thinking "I don't want fried food. I don't want fast food. Why am I doing this?" And then I saw a girl running and I thought "That would make me happy."

So what did I do? I turned the car around, changed into my running clothes, and pounded the pavement for about 40 minutes. I came home sweaty and energized, not to mention no longer ever remotely considering eating fast food or the other junk I was likely to get, and instead ordered a sushi roll and steamed veggie gyoza (my favorite food in the world).

While it may seem silly, if I wasn't focusing on doing things to be happy I would have just eaten the junk because it was easy and it was habit. I would have skipped my workout because I was too tired. I would have ended my day feeling unhappy and unhealthy. But here I am, much much happier.

On another note- my run was awesome and horrible. I felt strong and ran for the majority of the time. The downfall? My town has been taken over by gnats and millions of them at that. One flew into my EYE, and many others covered my sweaty face and arms. Ugh. So nasty. Blech.

Off to go rest- and I encourage you to try it as well- eat in a way that makes you happy! It's a nice feeling.

The Biggest Loser

2010-09-21T21:04:00.002-04:00

Anyone else LOVE that show?! I'm currently watching the season premier and I just love it. I find it so very inspiring. Ironically I was eating a piece of leftover ice cream cake from my birthday (it was on Friday) when the show came on. I passed the rest of the slice to John and rolled out my yoga mat, jogged in place, and lifted some weights. Something is better than nothing.

The Biggest Loser is drastic. They start off with morbidly obese people and they work out for hours and hours a day. They lose drastic amounts of weight in short periods of time. But truly, for the average person, it's not about drastic changes. It's about little changes and consistently making little changes. Little changes add up to big results.

Sometimes when you are in the thick of it, when you are knee deep in trying to make changes, it's easy to lose sight. You can feel like you aren't doing enough, like you aren't making enough changes to get where you want to be. I am the queen of this! I often overlook all of the excellent little strides I am making and instead focus on what I'm not doing. But really the most important thing you can do is to make changes that you can stick with.

As I look ahead to the future there are still small changes I want to make. I still want to stop drinking soda, I still want to exercise more, and I still want to eat in a way that makes me happy. I think the last one, eating to make me happy, is a goal I am going to focus on more. By this it means thinking about how I will feel AFTER I eat something and deciding if I want it. I don't like eating junk. I might like it at the moment, but after I eat it I am often unhappy because I didn't truly want the junk- I ate it out of habit or out of boredom or out of just lack of conscious thinking.

So while I started out this post just to talk about the show, I find the wheels in my brain turning, and I have come up with a challenge for myself. By the finale of The Biggest Loser this season I want to have had more days where I ate in a way that makes me happy than days where I ate in a way that makes me unhappy. I'm not setting a strict guideline, rather I am just going to keep track of how many days I felt each way. It's a little thing, but I know if I stick to it, it'll make a huge difference. Not necessarily on the scale, but definitely in my head.

So here's to my own personal Biggest Loser challenge- eating in a way that makes me happy- and evaluating my progress along the way. Wish me luck!

Do you currently have any little goals set? What are you working towards?

or

What little steps have you taken that have added up to big results?

So where was I all week?

2010-09-19T20:45:00.004-04:00

I posted yesterday about my wonderful time at Are You Game? Prior to that post I had dropped off the face of the blogging world. In that week I had a lot of thoughts about my journey as a health blogger.

As some of you have noticed (and pointed out to me!) I tend to be hard on myself. MUCH harder on myself than I am on others. I give others many many chances yet I expect much more from myself. So with that in mind it will give you some insight into where I was all week.

I have been "off" lately. Not eating more per say, but a little worse. Not too bad though- I really haven't gained weight. I haven't been exercising as much, yet that's ok with me because sometimes life gets in the way for short bursts. So why wasn't I posting if nothing much changed, right? Well the truth is I was just living. I wasn't focusing on my health- I was just living. And while that probably sounds like a good thing it isn't. I have internalized this way of life to a great degree and I don't need to focus every second on what I eat/don't eat. BUT for me "focusing on my health" means taking time to read articles on fitness/nutrition, exercising, cooking healthy food, reading health blogs, etc. This process keeps me grounded and when I stop this process little bad habits start sneaking back in. I start stealing more bites of junk than I need (or if I'm being honest more than I even WANT!) and start drifting into old bad habits. Dangerous territory.

I had just felt uninspired. And when I felt uninspired I just didn't have anything to say.

I hope you don't read this as negative and complaining, it's truly not. That's exactly why I didn't post- I didn't have anything to say and I didn't want to seem negative or whiney. But I think it's important to not just return and act like nothing happened. Because all people have "off" weeks. All people struggle. Or at least all people I know! I read some health blogs and I feel like they NEVER struggle, but I certainly have times where it's just not easy to eat right and exercise and keep my mind/body focused.

So if you have an off week (or month) I think it's important to face it and accept it. I could have come back and started posting and never mentioned why I disappeared, but it's my hope that someone out there will be struggling and not even feel like reading my blog (because I certainly hate hearing about someone's GREAT 10 mile run when I can barely drag myself out for a 10 minute walk haha) and see that we all share the same struggles.

What I learned from this experience is to give yourself a break, cut yourself some slack, but keep on trucking. It's not the stumbles. It's not the falters. It's how you get up and keep on going- even when you really don't want to at the time.

Are YOU game?

2010-09-18T21:48:00.012-04:00

Hi there. Sorry a week has gone by, but alas, life has gotten in the way. I was having a hard time with some stuff and I will surely post about it soon, but first, look at what a WONDERFUL day I had today. Today my friend Maria and I attended Women's Health Are You Game? Event in NYC.

It was basically a fun filled day of exercise classes, cooking demos, and extras like a mechanical bull, manicures, chair massages, virtual kayaks, and tons of free swag. Free is for me people. The best item? A new snazzy yoga mat!

The pier was pretty crowded- plenty of people attended. The line to get in=ridiculous.

Once we were in we walked around, signed up for a class, and saw what there was to see.

We attended a cooking demo and saw how to make sesame crusted tofu. It was amazing- it will appear on my food blog soon, I assure you that.

We also did some exercise classes. My favorite was the global dance one. I was sweating up a storm and the instructor was a good time. I don't have any pictures of it, I was too busy movin'. I do however have pictures from our SURFING class. OMG... balance=essential for this class. Me+Balance=HAHAHAHAHA! Maria and I had a good time laughing at ourselves on these surfboards. We did plank, pushups, leg lifts, "dirty dogs", crunches, and general balancing activities on this board. Nutty stuff.

Definitely a solid workout and something I would love to have the opportunity to try again!

I am so glad we went to Are You Game? It was a really good time and I love being surrounded by people who are into eating well and moving more.

Active Weekend

2010-09-12T20:49:00.007-04:00

This weekend was busy busy busy... hence why you haven't heard from me. Lots of fun times with the man I love.

Friday I went into the city to meet up with John for dinner. He gets out at 1 on Fridays in the summer and this was his last summer Friday so I wanted to go in and meet him. We decided to go to Ground Zero and pay our respects. It was crazy being there on September 10 and trying to imagine the chaos that was 9-11. I remember watching the smoke on my way up to North Jersey after 9-11 happened and being shocked. It's crazy to see the buildings surrounding it and think that the twin towers were even taller and larger.

After we paid our respects and wandered around we decided to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. I had never done that before and neither had John so we decided why not.

We then wandered through our favorite area by John's office and dreamed of selling our nice sized townhouse in NJ with a garage, back yard, front yard, basement, large bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and moving into a 1 bedroom studio where we would surely spend more in rent than we do on our mortgage. Then we realize how NOT fun that would be and we can just take the train in... but we still dream, often.

Dinner was awesome. John suggested a little dive restaurant by his work. It looked small, cramped, and less than my idea of where I wanted to eat. But he swore I'd love it. Ohhh baby, I ordered chicken pad thai and I cleared my plate.. I never clear my plate. I am a convert- dive restaurants are my friend.

Saturday we went hiking in a new park. Lots of wooded trails that led down to the water- my favorite types of trails fo' sho'.

At one point after about an hour and a half we were definitely lost and we saw a clearing in the woods so we walked out, all excited to be back at the parking lot... only to discover we were on a COLLEGE CAMPUS! Yes, we were very very lost... in the woods... with the sun going down.

Smart? No. Fun? Yes.

Clearly we found our way out eventually and it makes for a good story. Particularly the part where John said he KNEW we were getting lost but didn't want to tell me because he was enjoying himself. Niiiiiice.

Hope you all had a fun and active weekend as well!

What was the highlight of your weekend?

Getting to Know YOU

2010-09-10T08:20:00.003-04:00

In November of last year I had my gallbladder removed. This was one of the events that sparked my realization that something needed to change in my life. While a Dr. has never 100% confirmed my suspicion, I have been lead to believe that my food choices definitely did not help my gallbladder and may have led to me needing it removed.

Right after that surgery I changed my lifestyle (in December) and began this journey. Since having my gallbladder removed and beginning to eat healthier I am truly learning more and more about what I can and cannot eat. I used to have a stomach of steal. I could eat fried food, decadent baked goods, and cream based soups/pastas all in ONE DAY and be fine. Now? Not so much.

I have a hard time eating heavy/rich foods. My body is just not OK with it. Yesterday I had 1/2 a cup of potato soup. Not even a whole cup-HALF. Now yes, it's a creamy soup, but I figured a small serving would be fine. Nope. Sick. Stomach ache for hours. It's so annoying but I am finally coming to a point where I am learning what does/doesn't work for me. For a long time I tried to fight my body. I tried to just eat these things because I liked them and I figured a small serving wouldn't hurt... but boy oh boy- it does hurt.

I think my body just can't handle food like it used to. It's not used to being fed fattening food and when I eat it it gets upset with me. It's interesting to be at a point where the focus isn't on eating to lose weight but eating for health. I like this much more.

Some things I have learned about myself as I eat for HEALTH:

1- I eat much smaller portions then most people and feel satisfied- but due to this I need to snack more frequently than the average person. I've also learned that increasing the portion size to reduce the snacking doesn't work- it just makes me feel sick.

2- I need carbs to feel full. For most people it's protein, and protein is a component for me STAYING full, but if I don't have some carbs I just don't feel satisfied.

3-I can't eat fried food with a side of fried food. I used to love chicken nuggets and french fries. Or fried shrimp and fries. Or really anything with a side of fries. I can stomach tiny servings of fried food (less than 10 french fries, a few bites of fried shrimp, etc.) but more than that and I am down for the count.

4- It doesn't come naturally to me (yet!) to choose veggies over other items. YET, I love veggies and tend to thoroughly enjoy any veggie based dish I eat. So I have learned to just make myself eat it, even though part of me tells myself I won't like it. Old habits die hard.

5- Soda is a gateway drug for me. When I drink soda I get addicted to it and want it with every meal. When I don't have it I rarely miss it.

6- Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day. I used to skip breakfast or eat a Quaker Chewy granola bar. Those things have no staying power and are essentially candy bars. I have learned that if I want to stay satisfied until lunch the winning combo for me is a mini whole wheat bagel or english muffin with nut butter, followed by a banana 1 hour later. This combo keeps me full until lunch like nothing else does. If I stay satisfied to lunch it cuts back on the useless munching and this carries through the rest of the day.

What have you learned about eating for health?

Tough Love

2010-09-07T19:44:00.003-04:00

So in my last post I mentioned how I hadn't been working out the past week. I received a bit of tough love, basically saying that I can't use work as an excuse. My first reaction was "OUCH!" and my second reaction was "YEAH- SHE'S RIGHT!" I truly can't allow myself to make excuses. It's a very slippery slope once you start allowing things to get in the way of exercise. It's easy to go from letting nothing get in the way to letting everything get in the way. And I'm really not interested in getting to that point.

So what did I do? I decided to try some morning exercise! I've been wiped after work between the beginning of a new year, being on my feet all day again, and the ridiculously hot sweat box I call a school. So this morning I strapped on my sneakers and went jogging at sunrise.

It was so nice! When I started out it was still pretty dark. The sun was just peeking over the trees, but by the time I was done it was a beautiful, sunny morning. It also set a nice pace for my day. I really thoroughly enjoyed it and I am looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I am going to be a full on morning exerciser because the gym I am joining has great classes at 4:30 and 5, so I would go straight from work, but on days when I won't be able to get there in the afternoon this will be a great alternative.

It also got me to thinking... when I first started losing weight in December I lost almost 2 pounds over the week of Christmas and a pound over the week of New Years. When I saw those results I told myself "NO MORE EXCUSES!" If I could lose weight then it showed that the time of year is not an excuse for letting your health falter. Back to school is in no way an acceptable reason to set my fitness to the side.

So to my lovely reader who gave me some tough love, I thank you! It was your voice that got my butt out of bed in the dark this morning and it is your voice I will hear tomorrow when I jump out of bed again.

Have you ever received some tough love? Did it help?

or

Do you find that you make excuses for yourself at certain times of the year? Tell me about it!

Change is Needed

2010-09-05T12:46:00.003-04:00

I have a confession: I am in a workout rut. I just DON'T WANT TO! ::Stomps feet::

I think the problem is three fold... I have been busy with getting ready for school, I am out of the habit of just working out without thinking about it, and I have been allowing myself too much slack. Well, change is needed.

I have been debating whether or not to join a new gym, one that offers classes, for some time now. I originally didn't want to because my current gym contract goes until December and I thought it was silly to pay for two gyms. Well, I've decided to just do it. I want to belong to a gym with classes. I want to actually USE my gym membership instead of making monthly donations.

It might seem silly to pay for two gyms but it will only be for 3 months and honestly I want to break my rut. I know that having a new gym filled with new classes is exactly what I need.

Working out is part of being a healthy, whole person. Exercise truly keeps my mind alert and my body in its best condition. Yet for the past two weeks I've been... bumming it. I think I've exercised 3 times in 2 weeks. YIKES!! Not a proud confession.

So I am hoping to go check out two gyms near me on Thursday since I don't have school. I will hopefully join one of them by Friday. I seriously can't wait.

Have you ever been in an exercise rut? If so, how'd you get out of it?

New Beginnings

2010-09-03T20:55:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the disappearance act. School started this week and I am completely WIPED. It has been like a hundred degrees every day and we don't have AC... so on top of it being exhausting to be back at work I am also dripping... fun stuff.

So as you may know I had taught first grade for the past four years. I always dreamed of being a first grade (or kindergarten) teacher. I was blessed to get that opportunity straight from college. I loved every (well... not every haha) moment of first grade.

But this year a lot changed. If you are from NJ or familiar with NJ politics public education took an insane hit in NJ this year with our new governor. We lost a couple hundred teachers and staff in our district. Positions were eliminated and a lot of movement took place. This landed me in FIFTH GRADE.

I had actually volunteered for this move. Not because I wanted to, but because I knew I was going to be moved and I figured if I asked for this change I could feel slightly more in control of my situation. So fast forward to this week I am now a fifth grade teacher.

Well, the results are in... and I LOVE FIFTH GRADE. I was so fearful of this move. I was so fearful of the unknown. I was so fearful of hating where I was and wishing I had kept my mouth shut. But now I am so thankful that I took this chance because fifth grade is awesome.

While this isn't directly health or fitness related it just shows that change isn't always bad. Sometimes taking a risk, trying something new, and moving outside your comfort zone is worth it.

Pet Peeve

2010-08-31T07:28:00.008-04:00

Can I share a major pet peeve with you? Like, majorrrrr?!

I can't stand when magazines feature someone who has either lost a lot of weight or is very thin and asks them what they eat in a day. It, without fail, says the same thing:

Breakfast:
Oatmeal and fruit

Lunch:
Salad with grilled chicken, dressing on the side

Snack:
Almonds

Dinner:
Grilled fish, brown rice, steamed veggie

How many of you have seen this exact.same.menu time and time again?! Sure, it might be Greek yogurt or wheat toast for breakfast, but overall the menu never changes. And sure- I personally like ALL of these foods, but what I don't like is that connotation that only a menu like this will allow you to lose weight and be thin.

For many, the idea that the only way to lose weight is to eat grilled meat/fish with veggies and brown rice is extremely daunting. It's boring, it cuts out their favorite foods, and it is very limiting. I can't stand that this is the image that is set forth. When I was at my heaviest and I'd see this in a magazine I'd think "I wish I had the self-control to eat that everyday."

I rarely make the same thing twice unless it's a real winning recipe, let alone eat the same dinner day after day. Yet I have managed to lose 25 pounds and maintain my losses. I think it's a major disservice to not show people that it is possible to eat your favorite foods and still be healthy. I think it's a disservice that each person isn't even sharing unique or interesting foods that they enjoy- it's the same.exact.thing.

When I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution the radio DJ who was opposed to Oliver in the beginning stated how people in his town didn't want to "sit around and eat lettuce all day." It is the image that in order to be healthy/thin you have to eat lettuce all day that discourages so many people from even trying to lose weight! I would love to see an interview where someone lists their menu and it isn't this standard list because it truly does the average person who wants to lose weight a disservice.

What is your opinion on this? Does it bother you as it does me, or do you think it's a good thing because it's exposing people to a healthy menu?

or

Do you tend to eat the same things every day or do you like a lot of variety?

Food for Fuel

2010-08-29T11:45:00.007-04:00

Yesterday John and I spent the morning hiking. Ever since we returned from our trip to Mount Desert Island John has turned into a hiking maniac! He spends a LOT of free time researching trails, reading books on trails, etc. He found this trail that was about 30 minutes from us yesterday and it was awesome! It had lots of wooded paths on paved roads,

awesome views of the water,

and plenty of wooded, unpaved areas.

We were out for a long time and parts of the hike were pretty strenuous. About halfway through the hike I got light headed and instantly regretted my breakfast choice. I had a cup of Cheerios, thrown in a ziplock, that I ate as we drove. I KNEW I should have wheat toast with peanut butter, but I wasn't feeling it.

What I am learning is that food really is fuel. When you live an active lifestyle you need to properly fuel your body for activity. A cup of dry cereal (without protein and fiber) is not going to sustain me on a two hour hike. Luckily John had packed a Kashi cereal bar, but even that wasn't the best option. What I needed at that moment was protein and something with staying power.

Eating right isn't just about eating the right amount to stay thin or healthy. It's about eating the proper nutrients that your body needs to sustain the lifestyle you live. This has been a huge lesson for me. When I first embarked on this journey to be healthier I truly only looked at food in terms of eating the proper amount in order to lose weight. Now that I am happy with my weight and more in-tuned with my body I am learning ways to better fuel myself so that I don't crash at 11:00 in the morning from hunger, so that I don't become ravenous 1 hour after lunch, etc.

It really is a journey and one I don't think will end anytime soon (or probably ever!) The more I listen to my body the more I learn about it's needs/wants/and abilities. I never thought I'd get to a point where the sole focus wasn't eating less (be it less junk, less calories, less quantities, etc.) to a point where the main focus was eating the right foods to fuel my lifestyle. It's a nice change. Taking the focus off of eating less and putting the focus on eating BETTER is really a huge step in making changes permanent.

Where are you in the journey or seeing food as fuel? Are you just beginning, and working on watching portion sizes, are you where I am and beginning to really focus on what works best for your body, or are you further along and at a point where you just KNOW what you need to eat? I'd love to hear your experiences!

The Illusion of Health

2010-08-27T16:07:00.008-04:00

I am a researcher by nature. I love to read, read, read, and read some more- particularly when it's a topic of interest to me. I read multiple websites, forums, and news journals daily on the topic of health and fitness. This week a particularly heated debate arose over the topic of obesity. Once the debate got roaring it turned into what is common knowledge among the "average Joe" and what isn't when it comes to health.

There is so much to know about eating right and living an active lifestyle. And yet, for every bit of information that is available there is also a large amount of inaccurate information. For example, going to a restaurant (particularly a chain restaurant) and ordering a salad is often not the best choice. This is something most people do, assuming it's healthy, when in reality it's iceberg lettuce (little to no nutritional value) doused with fattening toppings and dressings. At Chili's the Quesadilla Explosion Salad has more calories/fat then their burger and fries!!

In the past I had asked John some questions to see what he thought/knew about eating right. He said that prior to being with me and my recent change in lifestyle he assumed that an apple flavored granola bar was healthy- it said apple on the cover! That got me thinking to how there is a huge push now to use keywords like "MADE WITH WHOLE GRAINS" or "CONTAINS REAL FRUIT!" or even "HAS UP TO _______ SERVINGS OF VEGETABLES PER CONTAINER!" The problem is these ad campaigns aren't being completely honest, leaving most people who don't have the time or interest in researching their food at an unfair disadvantage. Here are some foods I've seen using this sneaky ad technique:

Sugary cereal with added fiber appears healthy to an uninformed consumer, much as a pasta sauce/canned pasta looks healthy with a full serving of veggies! And multigrain granola bars MUST be healthy, right? Well, in my opinion... no. These are all packaged, processed items that give the illusion of healthy. Some even have sugar as the first ingredient. That's not to say I never use jarred sauce or boxed cereal, I DO! I am just mindful of the ingredients in these items and don't fall victim to the ad campaign they post on the box.

So what is the average person, who doesn't have time/interest to research health, supposed to do?! I feel like this is an issue that needs to start at the bottom- with the kids in school. Teaching them and informing them what to look for is key. But how do we reach adults who have formed opinions? That is something I just don't know... but it bothers me so much that companies create products with the illusion of being healthy when they aren't. Worst of all, they often charge more for these "healthy" items!

I don't care if people want to buy sugary cereal (I LOVE me some Cap'n Crunch) or some cheese doodles. Go for it! We all deserve to indulge from time to time. What I care about is the misinformation, the fact that these foods with minimal nutritional value are being branded and sold as healthy. It is unfair for the average consumer who IS trying to make good choices and doesn't know better. It really does make me sad....

Have you seen any interesting terms/key words added to packages to make them appear healthier? What is your take on this whole new fad of "healthifying" (my own made up word haha) unhealthy foods?

Crazy Stuff

2010-08-25T17:57:00.004-04:00

Something craaaazzzzyyyyyy happened today. Truly out of control.

I got on the scale, just to see how it was going. I posted last week that I was up to my threshold number and needed to lose a few pounds. Well... I got on the scale... and I lost 5.4 pounds last week. My eyes popped out of my head. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! I even weighed myself 3 times to make sure it wasn't the scale!

All summer I have been 132. ALL SUMMER. I was at a huge plateau. I'd heard of plateaus from my days of working at Weight Watchers, but I never personally experienced one. In my case the scale had always directly reflected my behavior. I ate well=I lost. I ate poorly=I gained. So to stay 132 all summer, never 131, never 133, was extremely frustrating. I had accepted that maybe this was my natural weight and I'd never get out of the 130s. Well well... Hellooooooo 129, I'm happy to finally see you!!

I don't know what happened or why, but my plateau is broken, I am happy to report that I have lost the weight I gained on my trip and then a little over 2 pounds more.

I know you can't let the scale dictate your mood and as much as it sounds like I do from this post I truly don't. I don't care what the scale says- I care more about how I feel. The number is far less important... but I'd be lying if I didn't say it felt REALLY good to get into the 120's.

So if you're reading this and thinking WHAT GIVES! How did she do it?! I'll tell you, I think it was the soda. I know I didn't drink enough soda to lose 5 pounds, that'd be insane, but the soda was a big part of it. Also this week I didn't eat a sweet treat 3 nights. I was full from dinner and typically I'd eat something sweet anyway, but I decided to listen to my body.

Listening to my body has been so helpful. The other day I got a soda and took a sip... it didn't taste AS GOOD as I wanted it to, so I threw it out. In the past I'd just drink it. I have also started putting food back if I don't need it. For example I took 10 pretzels the other day. I ate about 8 and didn't want the last two. In the past I'd have just eaten them, but I put them back. I think it's these small changes finally paying off. I have worked hard all summer and the scale just didn't budge. So woo hoo for it finally moving!

Have you ever hit a plateau? What did you do to break it?

Out With The Old

2010-08-24T19:57:00.003-04:00

This isn't new news, but I have heard it time and time again that once you lose weight you should get rid of your old clothes. It is said that leaving it in your closet allows you wiggle room to go back to your old size and your old habits. When I lost all of the weight the first time around I kept my old pants. Then as I was gaining the weight back I'd slide into my bigger pants and think "Well I didn't gain that much- my clothes still fit!"

Suuurrrreeeeee..... my pants did fit- my BIG pants! But hey, they were my pants, so that's what counted. I then outgrew those (oops!) and had to buy a size bigger. About 6 months later I outgrew THOSE and had to buy new pants. I was now up 4 sizes!! The last straw was when my size 10 jeans were too tight and I bought my first size 12. While that is the average size for American women I wasn't physically comfortable at a 12, and my BMI was in the overweight category, so it was time to get serious. I vowed to never buy another pair of size 12 jeans.

So now I am comfortably fitting in a size 4 or 6 depending on the store... with about 20-30 pairs of pants ranging from 8-12. Now that's a solid range... and allows me too much wiggle room. It allows me too many opportunities to gain, slowly, and still feel ok. So what did I do?

I gathered all of my pants, boxed them up, and gave them away. ::GULP::

There was a certain level of fear... history has shown me that it is veryyy easy to creep up in weight. But I don't want to, and I don't need to. And if I don't have any clothes to wear it will be a bit less tempting to creep up. So in the box they went and I can happily report they are now in a happier place.

I really think it is important to get rid of the bigger clothes. When you keep it you are saying that a part of you, even a tiny teeny part, thinks you'll need them again. If you would never need them again why would you keep them?! And if you whole heartedly feel you have made changes that will last, you don't need your old clothes.

Where do you stand on this issue? Do you hold on to your old clothes or do you donate it once you no longer fit in it?

The Real Deal

2010-08-22T19:56:00.007-04:00

When I picked up this month's issue of Fitness Magazine I found one page that really interested me. On page 142 of the September 2010 issue I came across a chart representing the average person's consumption of fresh vs. processed food. This chart shows the average person in the United States consumes 56 percent more processed foods than fresh foods in a year. Does this surprise me? No. It really doesn't. Here's a close look at the chart so you can see exactly what the average person is consuming.

The fact of the matter is that processed food is convenient. It's a lot easier to grab a loaf of bread from the store than to make your own. It's a lot easier to buy cookies than to whip up a batch. But, is it easier to grab a granola bar than an apple? Not really. But, it is certainly cheaper to grab a granola bar. When you go to the store and buy 5 apples it could cost you about 2-3 dollars, or even more if you buy organic. However, a box of 8 granola bars on sale is $1.99.

Unfortunately it is often cheaper and easier to buy and eat processed food instead of fresh food, which leads to a large amount of this over consumption of processed food.

So how do you make the switch to fresh food when it's so much easier and cheaper to eat the alternative?

For starters, it's important to look at the bigger picture. Eating healthy and maintaining a healthy weight reduce your healthcare costs and ultimately save you money in the end. Once we get passed the big picture I think it's important to look at small changes you can make. Sure, you might not want to start whipping up your own bread and crackers, or give up your favorite boxed foods, but there are ways to reduce your overall consumption of processed food.

When I started to watch my diet I made a rule for myself. Only one processed snack a day. So if I want a pudding cup at night or a couple boxed cookies, I can only snack on nuts/fruit/veggies/and cheese the rest of the day. I also started really shopping sales. I love grapes, they are my favorite fruit, but when they are $3.99 a pound I skip them and get the oranges that are on sale. When they are $.99 cents a pound I stock up!

I also started making more of my side dishes from scratch. Rice-A-Roni is really just rice with seasonings! I can do that too, without adding ridiculous preservatives and loading in the sodium. My homemade rice takes the same amount of time, but is really much healthier.

I also started being more selective about my packaged items. I now read labels, but not for the calorie and fat counts. I do look at that, but more importantly I look at the ingredient list. I don't buy things if I don't know what is in it. If there is an ingredient I don't know, I pass. There are healthier alternatives for everything! If it's sweetened with Splenda or aspartame it goes back on the shelf. If it has high fructose corn syrup I pass. And shockingly, I don't miss any of my old snacks.

I know making the transition from a diet of mostly processed foods to mostly whole foods is intimidating. I only made this switch recently! But the pay off, the benefits, are out of this world. I feel healthier, my skin is more clear, and I generally feel a sense of happiness knowing what is in my body and what isn't. Make one small change- buy one more piece of fruit a week instead of fruit snacks, and see how it goes. Then slowly add another change- and before you know it you will be eating a healthier, cleaner diet.

Do you think it is important to eat more fresh food/less processed foods? Why or why not?

or

What tips do you have for eating less processed foods?

Hitting the Threshold

2010-08-21T11:49:00.003-04:00

When I started to lose the weight I set a goal. A number that I really wanted to hit. And once I hit that number I was really quite happy with how I looked. I went on to lose a bit more, about 3-4 pounds, but I set that original goal as my threshold number- a number I never wanted to go over again. When I came back from my vacation I was pretty close to that threshold number- about 6 ounces off. I wasn't too concerned because I figured it was mostly water retention from eating out so much on my trip. The first week back I was meeting with friends, eating out, and not being as mindful as usual. This led me to hitting the threshold number.

I got on the scale, saw that number, and thought "Ok, there it is- time to get serious." I have never in the past felt this way. In the past, when I would have hit that point where I had told myself I didn't want to pass, I would have felt discouraged and indulged in something unhealthy because "What's the point anyway, all I do is gain." I had such a nice, healthy, outlook on life, no?

This time when I saw that number I instead saw it as a warning sign. A sign to set some goals and stick to them. I wrote a post about my goals, which included only one soda a week, one dessert (as in not fruit/nuts/veggies snack ) a day, and listening to my hunger signals. Easy peasy- but those were the things that I had let go and were definitely the cause of my gain.

I got on the scale Friday and I was down a pound and a half- yessssss. I still need to lose another pound and a half to get to my pre-trip weight, but hey- no prob.

The thing is, when you aren't depriving yourself and instead are just setting little goals, you don't feel like losing weight is such a chore. If your looking for fast weight loss and the story of someone who got to their goal weight in a short period of time, you came to the wrong blog my friend. I used to be the person who wanted the results and wanted them fast. I now see that in order to really get lasting results the process is slow. It involves unlearning all of the bad habits and relearning a lot of new ones. It is a journey, that's for sure, but I am really enjoying discovering new things about myself.

Do you have a "threshold number"? A certain weight you use as a warning to reign it in?

If not, what is your sign that it's time to get serious and eat a bit more mindfully?

"I'll have what she's having"

2010-08-19T20:57:00.003-04:00

When I was at my heaviest I wasn't just heavy in weight, I was heavy inside. I always felt weighed down and unhappy. I was also extremely self-conscious when dining out, particularly with thinner friends. I would watch what they ordered and instantly feel uncomfortable. If I had my eye on the pasta dish but my friend ordered the salad, I'd order the salad too and be annoyed with each and every bite.

Yet, even thought I didn't want the salad I'd feel like I couldn't order what I really wanted. The reason I couldn't was because I felt like I'd be judged. In my opinion, the waiter and other diners would think "Well obviously the skinny girl is eating the salad and the other girl's eating the pasta." I just didn't want to be judged. I was already judging myself enough for everyone in the room.

Tonight I went out to dinner with a girlfriend and she wanted to order a salad. I wasn't interested in salad- I wanted something heartier. There was a pasta dish on the menu with mushrooms, peppers, and sundried tomatoes. It was calling my name but this little part of me was screaming "GET A SALAD! SHE IS, YOU SHOULD TOO!"

I am happy to report... I didn't get the salad. I got what I wanted to eat. But that's not to say I wasn't extremely aware of the fact that I was eating a big meal and she was eating a salad. I was. And I'm not one bit proud of this.

I find there to be a lot of social pressure in eating. And the pressure definitely goes two ways. One way being the way it went tonight- feeling I should get something lighter since my friend is. The other way it goes is when you are with people who are indulging more than you would want to and you feel pressure to eat more, eat unhealthy, and just plain eat foods you wouldn't typically want to indulge in.

I can remember many past experiences where I was uncomfortable dining with others- whether it be because I was eating more than them or I desired to eat less than them. Either way it's such a waste of energy for me to even CARE what others are eating. Yet even though I know this is a waste of energy I still do keep mental tabs on how much I am eating in comparison to others. Ridiculous- I know, you don't need to tell me.

I am really trying to become more intuitive and allow myself to eat what I want/need without worrying about what others are having. The choices of other diners should have no impact on my meal selection, nor should it cause me to have an emotional judgement of my meal selection.

So with that said, do you ever make meal selections based on the group you are eating with?

or

Have you ever felt a particular way (either uncomfortable, pride, etc.) based on your choices over the choices of others you are with?

Short and Sweet

2010-08-18T15:47:00.003-04:00

Howdy.

I am exhausted. I have spent the past three days setting up my classroom and I am completely wiped out. We don't have AC in our school so it's really very hot in there. Then add to it that I am climbing, bending, lifting... ugh. Wiped out I tell ya. I am currently laying on the couch and the only thing I foresee myself doing is showering and then returning to the couch.

Working out has taken a back seat... I haven't done it at all this week. By the time I get home I just want to sit. I figure I am being pretty active at work, right?! That has to count for something! Probably not... but oh well. I'll get back to normal this weekend and go from there.

So in my last post I wrote up some goals for myself. Overall I am doing well sticking with them. Like anything, when you get out of the habit of making good choices it takes a bit of time to get back in that habit. It takes some time for me to get back to basics, but that's ok, I'm on my way. I really want to lose the few pounds I've gained for sure.

I'm keeping this short because I really need to shower and then I want to rest and read.

What are your best suggestions for losing a few pounds without "dieting"? I'd love to hear what all of you do!!

Plan of Action

2010-08-15T09:05:00.004-04:00

I am the queen of maintaining my weight. All summer (literally) I weighed the same thing, just up and down a few ounces. I then went on vacation and gained 2 pounds. Now I have maintained that gain all week.

It's pretty ironic because when I did WW the first time 5 years ago I never learned how to maintain (No fault of WW- they have a maintenance program- I just figured I'd be fineeee and I could eat whatever I wanted). After I got to my goal I gained it all back. I was then so scared that if I ever lost weight again and I had to maintain I'd gain like crazy. Clearly not an issue anymore.

The problem, you ask? Maintaining my weight is quite a wonderful thing and I am happy about it, but I want to lose those few pounds I gained on my trip. Now you might say "2 pounds is nothing" and it's true, but 2 pounds turns to 3, which turns to 5, etc.

I don't want to count points or anything like that, but I need to make a few changes to lose those few pounds. So here's my plan of small changes, which will hopefully be enough to cut back the few pounds.

* Only one dessert a day. (I sometimes will choose something fun over something healthy when I'm hungry... and really if I'm HUNGRY a cookie isn't a choice I should be making because the butter and sugar and white flour aren't going to curb my hunger.)

* Only 1 soda a week. (This will be hard... One of my vices is I still occasionally like to have Coke... the problem? I don't like diet. So I am drinking a few hundred calories. The past few months I've been averaging 4-5 sodas a week and that's just way way too much. I don't know why this is one thing I still hold on to... but I've wanted to get rid of it so long. I don't buy it or drink it at home, but I love it out.)

* Be mindful of my hunger levels. (This has dropped off a bit but I was still very mindful of portion size, allowing me to maintain for 2 months. Now I want to lose a little bit, so I really need to listen to my hunger signals.)

Now that doesn't sound like a "diet" to me. And it's not. But I can assure you that if I do those three things I'll be back where I want to be in no time. You don't need to diet to lose weight- that is the biggest misconception. But you do need to make small changes that you can do for the rest of your life without feeling deprived.

When you want to lose a few pounds, what do you do? I'd love to hear your tips!

Just Breathe

2010-08-13T07:46:00.004-04:00

Happy Friday loves :)

I personally can't believe that this is my last day of summer ::CRIES LOUDLY::
School doesn't start until September 1, but as of Monday we can get in our classrooms to start setting up. Since I'm moving up 4 grade levels and haven't the slightest clue what to do with fifth graders I will be spending every minute possible in school getting ready.

Thanks for all of your feedback on morning exercise- I loved reading all of your opinions. My main motivation for wanting to become a morning exerciser is knowing how busy the next school year will be. Even though it will be my 5th year teaching, it will in many ways be my 1st since it's a whole new world. That means looooong hours and I refuse to let me health take a back seat. We'll see, I'll take it day by day, but for the rest of the summer I will indeed be a morning exerciser.

Yesterday I went to yoga and my instructor, Heather, started talking about quieting the brain.

She was talking about how we cause so much of our own stress by having overactive thoughts. As she was speaking I was going THAT'S ME!!! My brain constantly moves at full speed. I am never not thinking. She went on about how if you can't clear your head at least only allow yourself to think one thought at a time. Sounds easy, but for someone like me- it's not.

It reminded me of the clip from the trailer for "Eat, Pray, Love" where Julia Roberts has to meditate for 2 hours and she can't get started. Yea- that would be me. So all throughout the class I worked on keeping my mind on the poses and my breathing. When I found my brain drifting to other thoughts I'd drag it back in to the present moment. So as I was doing a particularly challenging pose, thinking only about my breathing, I thought "HEY! I can do this one thought at a time thing."

Then I got home. And realized it's far more challenging when you aren't in an environment that naturally creates a zen feel. When I find my mind racing I like to stop and breathe. In and out. In and out. It does seem to help a bit- it's just actually remembering to breathe that's challenging.

So I ask, do you find it challenging to stay present and only allow yourself one thought at a time?

or

What strategies do you have for staying centered in the present moment and not allowing your brain to go at full speed?

Morning Exercise

2010-08-11T08:46:00.003-04:00

This week I've been trying something new. I've been exercising in the morning.

And let me tell you- I'm in looooooove. John leaves for work at 7, so I've been getting up when he leaves and getting my butt in action. The beauty of it all is that by 8 or 8:30 my exercise is done and the whole day is still ahead of me.

I was inspired to do this based on how much I enjoyed it on our trip. John and I would be up and out- hiking, biking, etc.- by 9 am every day. I loved the feeling of accomplishment so early in the day.

Now- morning exercise and I haven't always gone together so well. I tried it last school year during my 30 Day Shred time. And oh boy- it didn't go well. I was SICK. I think it was all of the jumping and bumping so early in the morning... I feel like I was going to vomit all morning (sorry if it's TMI- but it's true!)

So now I am facing a dilemma. I want to be a morning exerciser- I Do! I Do! But... the reason I'm lovin' it right now is because I am doing it at 7. In a few weeks school starts and I'll have to get up around 5 to squeeze it in before work. Oh man... now THAT doesn't sound half as fun. But I really think I should give it a shot...

There are many benefits to morning exercise. I find that when I exercise in the AM I am more energetic during the day, I get started off on the right foot and make healthier decisions, and I am not tempted with 454,545,435 reasons to skip my exercise session because it's already done.

So morning exercisers out there, I need your input. Any advice on doing it and not feeling sick? Does that feeling go away (I beg you to say it does...)?

or

When do you typically exercise and why?

A Whole New World

2010-08-10T07:38:00.003-04:00

Anyone else hearing the Aladdin theme song based on my title?! No?! Ok... well, I am...

Sometimes we get inspired in the most random and unexpected places. I was greatly looking forward to my vacation in Maine and I am happy to say I wasn't the least bit let down. It was beautiful and everything I had hoped for. But I also got something I wasn't expecting. I got a new perspective. How can you not have a spiritual awakening when this is where you spend your week?

I was sitting on the rocks, reading, when I realized *life is good.* I never previously thought my life WASN'T good, but I am very critical of myself and I was always looking to improve, do better, etc. As I sat on the rocks, watching the waves crash, and connecting to nature, I realized it was time for a new perspective. This wasn't an A-HA moment, it just came slowly. I realized I like the way I look, I like the way I feel, I like how strong my body is now... I like who I am. So why should I embrace that?

As I was sitting there, reflecting, I realized the key I had been missing. Positive Self-Talk.

I tend to be a very encouraging person to the people I love. I give multiple chances. I accept others mistakes. But with myself?! No- perfection is all I want. I realized that chasing perfection will always be a let down.

So what has changed since I started changing the way I think and feel? Well, a lot actually.

I find that I have been eating healthier without any additional effort. I have been back to my old level of working out, without any additional effort. I think just feeling better about myself has allowed my life to improve in these areas. When you feel better about yourself and are kinder to yourself it's easier to treat your body with kindness.

How do you stay kind to yourself? What steps do you take to stay positive?

Before and After Pictures

2010-08-08T19:13:00.000-04:00

One question I get asked a lot on the blog and through e-mail is when will I post before/after pictures. I had never felt like I was at the "after" because I am still chasing those LAST.FIVE.POUNDS. Well, on this trip I realized something. When I used to be heavier I'd look at every picture of me and say "That's just a bad picture- I don't look like that!" On this trip I'd look at pictures of me and say "That's just a good picture- I don't look like that!"

I then realized... I do. The camera doesn't lie, it reflects what's in front of it. I just have bad self-image issues. I also realized that I LOVED how I looked in these pictures- I looked strong and fit. I didn't look at them and think "That's a girl who needs to lose 5 pounds." So while I'm not sure if I will ever lose more weight, I am finally ready to say I'm at a good point. I can always do an updated before/after if I lost enough for it to be noticeable, but for now here's my before and after! I'm wearing the same sweatshirt so it gives you some good perspective.

Before:

After:

It was hard to find before pictures because in the world of digital photography I just deleted anything that made me look heavy. So to find these pictures I dug through other peoples facebook pictures of me (all of which I UNTAGGED of course!). Here are some more before pictures.

Before:

After:

I am so much healthier and happier now.

I'm Back!

2010-08-08T07:50:00.012-04:00

Hi there! I hope you all had a wonderful week! John and I had the BEST time in Mount Desert Island. We were figuring out how we could move there immediately, but ultimately decided we had to come home. Wahhh wahhh. Oh well. All good things must come to an end, no?

Well, let me just tell you- this was not a relaxing vacation! It was relaxing in the sense that we weren't home, we were in a hotel, we ate all of our meals out, etc. However, we started out by 7 daily and were hiking, biking, or rock climbing from 9-3ish daily. It was a lot of fun but also really exhausting. John, on the other hand, said it was "energizing." Weirdo. I'll tell you, what I felt after hours of rock climbing was NOT energy haha.

Here are some pictures from our trip.

John became obsessed with researching trails and found an "easy" trail for us to do the day before we left. Let me tell you- it was the most strenuous trail! We were literally ROCK CLIMBING. There weren't steps or paths, you were scaling the mountain! It was obviously safe and not crazy rock climbing, but it was intense.

We also walked a trail called Ocean Path that led all along the cliffs. We followed the trail but also went off it constantly to get good views on the rocks.

Another day we went on a bike ride. John LOVES to bike so this was a give in. I told him to find a flat trail but clearly on a mountain it just isn't gonna happen. See that glow? It's called "I'm sweating to death- are we at the top of the mountain yet?!?!"

Here are some pictures of me/us during not-as-active times.

This was us seeing the sunset from the highest point on the East Coast, Cadilac Mountain.

And this was me by the lighthouse.

I got on the scale this morning and was thrilled to see I only gained 2 pounds. I am sure that at least 50% of that is just water retention/bloat from eating so much salty food. I will say that I managed to eat extremely intuitively without putting much thought into it. I used to feel that I needed to eat a lot on vacation because I'd never go to those places again. I had a very different approach on this trip. I ate soup and salad instead of a huge entree at two meals because it was what I wanted. In the past I would have ignored my instincts and gotten something more. I also stopped when satisfied and ate when hungry. The best part was I didn't focus on it at all- I just lived. I also ate ice cream daily... because well, I had to! This was vacation after all!

I have a little teaser for you guys... I am finally going to post some before/after pictures. I had a realization while I was away that the time has come... and so get ready... the pictures will come either late tonight or tomorrow!

I'm Out!

2010-07-31T20:53:00.002-04:00

Hey loves :)

I'm off to Mount Desert Island tomorrow morning and will be gone for a week. We are bringing the lap top so I MIGHT update once or twice while there, but probably not. I think I could use to unplug from life and just get back to nature and my husband. I really can't wait to hike, bike, and kayak my way around that island.

I will return in a week with pics and such! So if I don't update, have a great week and I'll see you all soon!

Routines

2010-07-30T07:26:00.004-04:00

Can we all say a collective HALLELUJAH?! Summer school is done, I went and bought a lot of stuff for my move to fifth grade next year, and I finally feel a sense of relaxation. ::Deep exhale::

I noticed that through my time at summer school I was really lacking a routine. I'd teach from 9-1, and then the day would be mine. From a health and fitness perspective this SHOULD make life easier, right? I'd have tons of time to exercise, chop veggies, etc. Well, I found it to be the exact opposite! Knowing I had all of this time off lead me to make plans almost daily with friends. And what do these plans involve? Food. And I'm not talking about veggie sticks either. Yesterday we ate lunch at a BAKERY. I had a salad... but I also had a pastry.

All summer I'd get home from my plans around 6 daily, then make dinner, and ooooooh nooooo, I didn't work out! So I'd skip it. That's how my exercise went from 5-6 days a week to 2-3. Boo- not good statistics.

I came to realize I LOVE routines. This wasn't really news for me, but it was interesting to see just how much a lack of my normal routine has impacted me. During the school year I'm at work until 3:45, then I exercise, get home around 5 or 5:30, then move on with my day. My food is also more scheduled. I had more control of my food since I wasn't eating lunch out daily.

So needless to say I am quite excited to get back to a routine! I am going to make my usual breakfast (whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter and fruit) and go do my typical exercise (a long walk) and I really look forward to getting back to my roots.

Are you a fan of routines? Do you find there is an impact on your health and habits when your routine breaks?

Random Thoughts Thursday

2010-07-29T07:19:00.003-04:00

Random Thought #1: Did you ever wonder why food is so much more to many of us than just food?

I mean really think about it... sure, it tastes good. And we do need food to survive. But why does food so often become a trigger or a crutch? Why do so many of us overeat, or under eat, or a cycle of the two?

I have been really spending a lot of time trying to get to the root of my problems with food and aside from my realization that I have an obsession with being "perfect" and beatting myself up when I can't be, I just don't know why I get these urges. Yesterday I wanted to eat a million cookies. I didn't, I ate the amount I told myself I'd allow, but that desire, that squeaky annoying urge, was there none the less.

Random Thought #2: Summer school ends today!

I am leaving for summer school in 20 minutes and then it's ovahhhhh. I love summer school- it's totally different than my normal school day, but I am really looking forward to it ending. I want to have those 2-3 weeks or relaxing before school starts again. That's not health related, but it's a thought, so take that ::wink wink::

Random Thought #3: John and I are going on vacation Sunday

Typically when I think of vacation I think of a beach, a cold drink, and nothing to do but work on my tan, read, and relax. This vacation is the exact opposite. We are going to Mount Desert Island in Maine and we will be hiking, biking, and kayaking (oh my!) all week. I told John I still need a lot of pool side relaxation and good eats. He was happy to agree to these terms.

Random Thought #4: You are what you eat.

We've all heard it before but now I get it and truly believe it. When I eat healthy I feel healthy and strong. When I eat junk I feel like junk. Yet I still crave junk... weird?! It's funny how I used to never understand this concept because I ONLY ate junk so how in the world would I ever know that it could feel different? When I eat healthy I feel so thin however when I eat junk I immediately feel heavy, even though the food didn't change my weight overnight.

OK, I'm off to go finish off another summer of summer school. Woooo hooo!

Obsessive

2010-07-27T07:16:00.005-04:00

I can be a bit of an obsessive person. John always jokes that I ALWAYS have an obsession restaurant, somewhere I always want to go. For example I was obsessed with this sushi place by us and we went at least once a week. Then I got sick of it and moved on to a new obsession. I eat somewhere until I wear out on it, then need to stop going for a bit.

I find that this obsession follows over to exercise too. When I first started exercising again in December I was obsessed with going to the gym for about a month. Then I became obsessed with home workout videos, then yoga (at the studio and videos), followed by walking/running outside (this one lasted a loooong time). With the heat wave we have been experiencing in NJ I have not been up to going outside and my workouts have more or less.... stopped...

I worked out 2-3 times a week the past 2 weeks but that is quite meager in comparison to my 5-6 times a week. But there just wasn't anything I WANTED to do. ::Pounds fist on table::

I then realized I need to force myself into a new obsession, into a new exercise that doesn't require going out in 100*+ weather. While some people can handle the heat I wilt.

Heat+Stephanie=Disaster

So what to do, what to do? I realized I needed to stop waiting for the heat to break (it's clearly not) and pick a new obsession. Enter yoga.

I haven't done yoga in over a month and a half and I felt tight and less limber. I still have 8 classes left at my studio so I decided to go last night. I forgot how much I LOVE yoga. So many people think of yoga as stretching, and it definitely is, but it also is an intense workout. I study anusura yoga at my studio and I love how my muscles are also toning while my limbs are stretching. If you're not familiar with anusura yoga you can read all about it here.

I love yoga because it is truly the only time my brain slows down. My head is always in motion and during yoga I can concentrate on my breathing and (struggling) trying to get in the poses and hold them.

I'm glad I have a new obsession... I needed that. I know some people vary their exercise (run, strength train, spin, yoga, etc.) I think that sounds nice in theory, and is definitely what's best for your body I'm sure, but it's just not the way I work. And as a reformed exercise hater I don't fight myself- as long as I am exercising in some form or another multiple times a week I am pleased.

What's your exercise style? Do you vary it up or do basically the same thing every time? Or are you like me and go through spurts of doing different things?

Little Black Dress

2010-07-25T18:45:00.008-04:00

I went to a wedding yesterday for a good friend of mine. John and I had a great time! The place where the wedding was held was seriously a fairy tale. I have never seen such an amazing display of food either. Aside from being thrilled to be attending this wedding and celebrating the marriage of good friends, I was thrilled to wear this dress!

You see... I bought this dress for a wedding July 19 of last year. I ordered it online and when it came, in my size, I couldn't get it over my hips. So I pulled it off and tried to pull it over the head... couldn't get it over my shoulders. I was livid. I had ordered it in a size 10, and I couldn't believe a size 10 didn't fit me!

Last year in November I cleared out all of my "skinny" clothes. I had decided that I'd never be thin again, I'd never fit in any of it. So out it went. Everything EXCEPT this dress. I threw it in a bag in the back corner as a "maybe one day..." type of dress. Once the time was getting close for my friend's wedding I grabbed it an and tried it on- and VOILA! It fit!!!

(Don't mind John's face in these pictures... I'm not sure what happened with him! I blame the sun.)

What a victory! It was still a BIT tight, but you couldn't tell by looking at it, so I figured it was good to go. (BTW- the sizing in that store is so off. I wear a 6 now, occasionally even a 4, so no way should the 10 be a bit small. Makes me feel a BIT better about it not fitting last year!)

Here's a few more pics- I made John take a million pics of me in it since I knew I'd be blogging about it.

I wore it proud. To everyone else it was just a dress. To me it was proof that hard work and determination pay off.

Breakthrough

2010-07-22T07:17:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I picked up a copy of "Women, Food, and God" from Barnes and Noble.

I came home and immediately started digging into the book. You see, some people gain weight because they ate a bit recklessly in college, or they moved in with a new partner who had very different eating habits. I gained weight because I definitely have issues with food. Therefore, I find taking time to learn more about disorderly eating and what leads us to do it helps me to feel more in control.

As I was reading through the first few pages it became clear that a large focus of the book was going to be what is leading us to overeat. I read about 30 pages and then decided to take some time and THINK. Think about what is going on in my life when healthy eating isn't easy. To try to figure out what leads me to struggle with food is not an easy process. My thoughts on why I struggle will probably change and evolve as I read the book and as I continue to dive into my own issues.

One concept that came up in the book but wasn't new news to me is that if you don't get to the root of the issue it won't really go away. If you don't identify what leads you to struggle with eating you will probably continually struggle. The fact is, 90% of people who lose weight gain it back and I just am not interested in doing that.

One thing that came to mind in my thinking session last night is that I struggle with being "perfect." I always want to be the best, do it right, not make mistakes, etc. I can remember being like this since I was a young child and would cry if I got an A- on a test! Now it has changed from crying over an A- to crying if I eat a Twix bar if it wasn't in my plan. Ahh.... lovely. NOT.

I think this need to be perfect manifests in my being completely hard on myself when I have a bad day. Then, I kind of give up for a bit and eat more recklessly because, hey- I'm not "perfect." I take my slips as an excuse to be imperfect and I continue on my path of making bad choices. Then a couple days go by, I get mad at myself, and I go back to striving to be perfect.

I think I need to work on NOT being perfect and being ok with that. Every little step I take towards conquering my issues with food is a success and it doesn't have to all be perfect to be a success. That little phrase, "it doesn't have to be perfect to be a success", is something I need to strive for. I can still consider myself as being successful even if I ate when I wasn't hungry because I was INTUITIVE enough to recognize that, and that alone is a victory.

I have felt like I was struggling with food for the past 2 months... and yet, looking back, I wasn't. I haven't gained weight, I haven't binged, yet I have battled with myself daily, saying "Be better tomorrow!" If I ate something I didn't want or need I'd feel the whole day was a failure, when in reality it was maybe 200 calories of unneeded food. Does 200 calories, or even 500, really make the day a failure? I'm thinking not.

I feel a bit more free today, a bit lighter. I think this allowance to be imperfect, to be human, is going to be that little piece I need to finally get to my goal. I feel like accepting that I don't have to be either perfect or a failure, that there really is a HUGE area in between, is an amazing realization.

Keep On Workin'

2010-07-21T07:31:00.004-04:00

Where to begin, where to begin...

I guess I'll begin with a cautionary message: This blog is NOT the story of someone who mastered their food issues years ago, lives a healthy life, and now blogs daily to share the experience of living a healthy life. Instead it's the journey of someone TRYING to be that person. I haven't mastered my food issues, I stumble, and I fall. And sometimes I feel guilty because I know a lot of you come here for inspiration and if I have a bad day I almost feel *guilty.*

Yesterday=Bad Day.

It started off good- healthy eats, went to the gym, etc. I then went to Walgreens to get something and decided I needed a Twix bar. So I ate it. I then ate some baked chips... And WANTED to eat everything. I felt the "Just eat, it doesn't matter" thought go through me and I felt completely lost in my body. I felt like the person I have fought to become was disappearing into the monster my eating used to be. But I didn't do it. I got a cozy blanket and tried to relax, take a nap, etc. I wasn't tired but I needed a break, a removal from MYSELF at that moment. (And believe me, while I laid there, I still wanted to get up and eat, but I fought myself and thought how I refuse to be an addict and give in to every urge.)

I haven't binged in 8 months. And I didn't binge yesterday. Yea, sure, I ate a candy bar AND chips, but I didn't eat the chips out of the bag, nor did I eat the whole bag. I saw myself approaching a bad, bad, place and stopped it. I can't be THAT person anymore- I hated being "her."

So if I know I hated being "her" why do I still flirt with some of her behaviors? UGH! No need to answer this, it's completely rhetorical, but it still drives me up a wall.

I need to get back to where I was a few weeks ago, mentally and emotionally. I have stopped choosing fruits and veggies over processed junk for snacks. I still eat fruit and veggies with every meal but I have definitely changed my snacks to less healthy choices. This has had SUCH an effect on me! I have felt bloated and gross, and I know it's because of what I have been eating. I haven't really gained weight, but I feel less "firm" and I think it's because I have too much processed, overly salty, unhealthy foods in my system.

I am going to pick up the book "Women, Food, and God" today because I need some centering in this journey. I can't wait to read it, eat some veggies, and get back to where I want to be... who I want to be.

Moral of the story? I'm not perfect, and I thank you for reading my blog even though it isn't like most health blogs where we see the "finished product." This is a work in progress people, but I plan to keep working on it.

Sticks and Stones

2010-07-18T19:58:00.002-04:00

Growing up we all heard that catchy little jingle, right? "Sticks and stones make break my bones but words will never hurt me." Hmm... not sure about you, but I have had words hurt me MANY times. And for the record I have never had a broken bone... so there!

I got to thinking about that phrase and the thought behind it. I just don't agree. I think words can be the most powerful weapon we can use against one another. Last night John and I went to see Joel McHale from The Soup in Atlantic City. I love him and this was my second time seeing him live. While at the show he brought up how the people that hate him the most in the world are The Kardashians, Hugh Hefner, and "fat people." On his show he makes fat jokes often and I never laugh. Call me sensitive, I most certainly am, but I just don't find "fat people" jokes funny when it's aimed solely at their appearance.

I immediately scanned the room while he was joking about "fat people" and felt horrible for the people who would potentially be offended by these jokes. It seems as though weight is a perfectly acceptable and societal embraced form of discrimination. Now, I know ALL ethnic groups and genders get their lime light from comedians, but for some reason I think most people feel it's ok to crack a fat joke, whereas they may not openly crack an ethnic joke. This is particularly interesting to me considering far more people are overweight in our society than aren't!

So I got to thinking about words that have hurt me in the past when it comes to weight loss. I remember the first time I felt bad about my weight was when I was young, maybe 6, and a friend said people with "fat bellies shouldn't wear bikinis." Noted- I didn't wear one for years! I remember being told on and off through adolescence to "lose a few pounds" or that I didn't "need that." NO WONDER I HAVE ISSUES WITH FOOD! I also remember a well-meaning family member telling me to do crunches more often. Thanks- will do- after I cry the night away in a box of cookies. Ironically I was NEVER overweight until recently! My BMI was always at the higher end of healthy, but never overweight. So how many hurtful things have people heard when they actually are overweight?

Most recently when I was first losing weight back in December I was at a holiday party. I was at my heaviest at that point and had started WW that week. We were talking about post-wedding weight gain and I admitted that I had gained 10 pounds since me wedding, but 30 pounds total since living with John. (I'm not a super private person, as I assume most people with blogs aren't...) One person said "WOW! 30 pounds is a LOT!!" REALLY!? I didn't notice... She then followed it up with wanting details of how I gained it, why, etc.

I still get hurt and take words way too personally. The other day I said I wanted Dominoes pizza (::hangs head in shame:: not very foodie of me huh? Don't tell my food blog readers haha!) and John said "That doesn't seem very healthy OR intuitive." Now he was just making conversation but I went buck-wild. DON'T TELL ME HOW TO EAT GAHHHHH ::head spins and turns shades of red and green:: Poor John... he was trying to be kind and I taught him a lesson on keeping his opinion to himself.

My mom always tells me I'm too sensitive about my weight/body/eating. And perhaps I am. I just think this is my "issue", my "thing", my "problem." I try so hard to move on, to be healthy and happy, and not let words hurt, but I find it oh so challenging. I typically end my posts with a "if you have this problem too try this approach" but I can't give you any advice because I truly don't know how to be less sensitive on this issue. Instead, if you do take these things personally and feel sensitive, just know you're not alone. I'm right there with you.

If you have found ways to not take comments personally, or to not get overly sensitive about your weight/body, how have you done it? I'd love to hear any suggestions or personal experiences!

Healthy=Happy

2010-07-16T15:07:00.003-04:00

Confession: I didn't exercise for 7 day.

Yup- a whole week went by. I didn't work out this past weekend because John and I were out and about for most of the weekend. I surely could have made it a priority, but I didn't. Then I was hit with a sinus infection/summer cold that has basically made breathing difficult so exercising was just not an option.

I went to the gym today after summer school and WOW- I struggled through my treadmill time. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the stationary bike. My body was definitely begging me to go back to the couch and eat a snack rather than move so fast, but I think 7 days off was more than enough.

Going back to the gym today was a bit of a momentous event for me for another reason. I have told you before that I am not an athlete and I don't LOVE exercising. I do it because I need to in order to be healthy. Sometimes I look forward to it, but most of the time I just do it. In the past when I'd exercise I would be active for a few months, then stop for a year. This cycle repeated over and over again. I have never actually taken a week off and then RETURNED to exercising! I would stop and then slowly put other things above exercise, making excuses, and then before you know it a lot of time has passed.

I was so scared that this would happen to me. I was so scared that if I gave my body the rest it needed I'd never return to exercising. I was tempted to go to the gym or go for a walk even though I felt so sick. But I decided to trust my instincts and rest. Now I have shown myself that this time is different. It's so different than it was in the past. I'm not the same girl. I'm not going to give up. Small little stumbles aren't going to lead me to throwing away all of my progress. I'm not a quitter. And thank goodness for that! The thought of backing up, gaining all of the weight back, and getting completely out of shape again is one of my worst fears because not only is it unhealthy and not best for my appearance, but it's horrible for my mental state of mind. I am so much happier when I am healthy, and that is the biggest motivator of all.

Am I There Yet?

2010-07-14T19:26:00.003-04:00

The four words parents of little children can't stand: "Are we there yet?"

(source)

I know for a fact I tortured my parents with that phrase for many, many years. Interestingly enough I am sitting here, 20 years later, on my couch, in my super cool pajamas, asking myself the same question. AM I THERE YET?

When I first set out to lose weight I realized I needed to throw away my lowest weight as my goal. In college I had lost some weight on WW and got down to about 119. At 5'4" this was pretty tiny and not maintainable for me. For many this might be, but it wasn't for me. So I realized when I wanted to lose weight I needed to stop thinking about 120 as my weight and aim for something a bit more realistic. I decided on 135, figuring it'd put me at a size 6, and life would be sweet. I also thought I'd never get out of the 140s. But here I am... at 131... where I have held for about a month. And now I am questioning: AM I THERE YET?

Can I just accept this as my goal? Can I just realize that I have gotten to where I wanted to get and I do like the way I look? Can I accept that I might not be as "skinny" as I want to be, but maybe one day as I complete mastering the principals of intuitive eating I will be? Can I realize that maybe, just maybe, if I take the focus off the number/the gains/the losses, and instead put it on listening to my body, I just might get there? Can I accept that hey- I am there. I got everywhere I wanted... and maybe it's time to be happy and stop looking for "more."

I am a perfectionist, compulsive, and like doing my best. These traits help me and really really hurt me. It's these traits that make me keep wanting to push for the next 5 pounds... but the more I think about it the more I realize it's time to take the focus off the weight and really put it on mastering my own eating behaviors.

So, AM I THERE YET? Who knows... but I don't want to be one of those people who's always looking for the last 5 pounds. Yuck. No thanks. So we shall see if I am there yet... I feel like it's giving up if I don't strive for those last few pounds, but at the same time if I am eating healthy and intuitively, and my body isn't losing weight, then I am at my bodies healthy weight and I am there. I'm still eating when I'm not hungry but I think when I truly stop doing that I will know for sure if I am there.

How did you know when you reached your goal weight?

Making The Transition- Months 3 & 4

2010-07-12T17:25:00.004-04:00

When I stopped dieting and switched over to a more intuitive way of eating I knew it wouldn't be easy. I actually feared it the way people fear heights, spiders, and other fear-inducing things. I was *sure* that I'd gain weight if I wasn't counting points. Now I am entering my fifth month of eating intuitively and I no longer fear a life without counting. Let's all sigh a big exhale of relief for that one ::EXHALE:: We certainly shouldn't be living our lives fearing the day we stop counting points/calories because that is essentially saying we fear our own ability to make conscious decisions.

So where am I now at the end of month 4? Well, I am in some ways very close to where I started and in other ways nowhere near where I started. Before you quit reading, thinking I'm a walking contradiction, hear me out. I have only lost about 6 pounds in the past 4 months but I am now at a very very healthy weight. I'd like to lose another 5 or so, but I am giving myself until the end of the year to do that. Yes, you read that right- I am giving myself about 5 months to lose 5 pounds. Why you ask? Because I am making changes that will last a lifetime and that doesn't happen over night.

In the past 4 months I have learned to stop fearing food. I don't look at cookies as bad. I don't look at lettuce as good. All foods are equal when it comes to emotional responses.

(source)
Above all else the biggest change for me is that I am finally liberated of food stress. I don't freak out about weddings or three big eating events in a week. I'll go and make good choices at each event and do the best I can. This change, this ability to just LIVE, is worth the slow weight loss. We only live once- why should we spend it stressing about what we are going to eat?

While I have made so many positive changes I still am working on some things. For starters, I haven't been making the best food choices these past 2 weeks. I need to drastically ramp up my fruit/veggie consumption. This is an easy fix though and I can do this one with little effort. Since I didn't eat ANY fruit or veggies prior to the past year or so it doesn't come to me naturally to grab an apple for a snack. I gravitate towards the chips. Therefore I need to make a conscious choice to choose the apple. For a long time that was coming more naturally but now it's dropping off a bit and I need to go back to that.

My hardest struggle is not eating when I'm not hungry. I have learned that if food is in front of me I am likely to eat it. Chips in a bowl on the counter? Yes please! Cake on the table for a celebration? Sure, I'll have a slice! Snacks in the cabinet when I am bored? WATCH OUT. Once I get this, once I learn to really not eat when I'm not hungry, I will feel 100% at peace with my eating. This is a big stepping stone, a big hurdle to jump, but I am confident that it will happen. Changes, the kind that last, take time. I learned these bad habits over the past 25 years and they aren't going to go away overnight (or even over the past few months.)

Looking ahead I intend to keep doing what I am doing and hopefully break through into the next lower "decade" of weight. I am at 131 now and would love to get to about 125-128ish. Maybe it's silly, maybe it won't even look any different, but it's just a goal of mine and I won't beat myself up if my body can't do it. I refuse to get so low in weight that I can't maintain it because then it's just pointless. Time will tell and as soon as I get a grip on NOT eating when I'm not hungry I should be golden.

Before I end this post, I want to take time to acknowledge the changes I have made. It's so easy to focus on how far we still have to go rather than looking at all we have done. In the past 7 months I have gone from a size 10/12 to a size 4/6. I have lost almost 25 pounds. My BMI has gone from "overweight" to "healthy". I went from being winded running across a room to being able to run almost 2 miles. I can power walk for over an hour without feeling tired. I rode my bike over 25 miles (more than once too!) I can keep up with my husband on hikes. I feel in control around food. And best of all I am more confident and healthy than I ever have been before.

Where do I start?

2010-07-09T15:05:00.005-04:00

One of my favorite things about this blog is hearing from you, my "friends." While we have never met some of you comment so frequently, let me in your own personal journey, and this blog has just been a fun experience for that reason. Today I got a comment from a reader, Katie K., who shared a similar experience to mine. Hitting a plateau, debating leaving Weight Watchers, and deciding to try a new direction in life. If you read my blog you know that I have been transitioning to an intuitive lifestyle rather than following a plan.Katie asked me to explain a bit about starting intuitive eating and also give an update on my progress. Well, that's really a two part journey, so I'll start with explaining how to start eating intuitively and will update you on my progress tomorrow!

Starting Intuitive Eating

If you are interested in ditching dieting (even the best diet ever, WW, in my opinion) you need to first read up on letting go of dieting. For me this came from two books, Naturally Thin by Bethenny Frankel, and Intuitive Eating. I related to Naturally Thin more, but both were great.

You need to give yourself the freedom to eat and realize that food does not fit into two categories- good and bad. There are NO good and bad foods. When I did WW "good" foods were low in points. Even if I didn't love them (hello light bread- I loath you and will never eat you again, thanks!) I'd eat them because they were "good" and "low in points." Allowing myself to eat real bread was like a breath of fresh air!

Once you start eating what you want you need to tune in to your body and pay attention to it's signs. When your satisfied to lightly full, it's a good time to stop. When you are hungry it's time to eat! For the longest time I'd starve because I'd schedule my points for the day and then be so hungry around 5 (I don't eat dinner until 7-8) and have no points to eat. So I'd wait... and become a raving maniac. My husband still probably has emotional scars from my manic moments of hunger. Now if I'm hungry I eat! What a crazy idea, right? But when you diet you normally ignore your hunger because you don't think you "should" eat at that point.

Once I learned when to eat I needed to learn when NOT to eat. This has been the absolute hardest part for me. If it wasn't for this part I'd be an intuitive eating expert (I kid... it's a life long journey, but you get what I mean.) What I mean by when not to eat is simple. Are you hungry? No? Ok, then don't eat. Now some times there are exceptions to this rule, like special occasions where there is dessert, or if a food is really just calling you, but in general when you aren't hungry you shouldn't eat. Learning to listen to your body and eat when you are hungry and not eat when you aren't sounds so simple but as a dieter you learn to ignore this for so long. As a person living in a society that thrives off of MORE and BIGGER and rich fattening foods we do lose complete sight of our bodies clues.

The most important part of learning to eat intuitively, particularly in the beginning, is to stop fearing food. If you are hungry, EAT! If you are satisfied, well then stop eating. If you want cookies, eat one! And realize that allowing yourself to eat freely will be hard, you may even gain weight. In the book Intuitive Eating they said some people gained for about 6 months before "getting it" and starting to lose! But along the way your relationship with food will heal. And truly if your relationship with food wasn't unhealthy you wouldn't be overweight. It's that unhealthy relationship with food that leads us to overeat.

There is so much more to Intuitive Eating than what I wrote here, but to me these are the basics, the principals, and the starting points. There is no "do this, then that, then this" to Intuitive Eating. Each of us gained weight for different reasons. Each of us come to this journey with a different background. Intuitive Eating is about accepting that you ARE in this struggle, for your own reasons, and that you can learn to overcome it by healing your relationship with food. And for that, my life is changing- slowly, but I'm not in a race, and I encourage ALL OF YOU to let go of the "race" mentality, accept yourself wherever you are in this journey, and do the best you can each and every meal.

Gym Dilemma

2010-07-07T15:05:00.005-04:00

I currently can't stand. Or lift my arms. Or squat down (which is VERY much needed now that I am teaching kindergartners in summer school...). Or really move. My body feels dead.

Why you ask? Why am I in so much pain? Because of my mother.

Ok, that's not fair... but it's partially true. I belong to a gym but I rarely go because it doesn't have classes and I'd rather walk/run outside than on the treadmill. My mom on the other hand uses her gym regularly and always takes this class called "Group Power".

(source)
She told me to come down and go with her last night so I did, since I'm a wonderful daughter... although if I'm being honest it was the promise of dinner at one of my favorite restaurants that motivated me to drive 45 minutes in each direction to have my butt whooped.

The class was awesome. Each song worked on a different muscle group and lemme tell ya- I found new muscles I didn't know I had! I held my own and did pretty good. When we got to the last song I was not keeping up, but other than that I really did. I am so sore, but it feels good.

When I joined my gym I chose a basic gym with no classes. I did this because it was a) cheaper and b) I was too intimidated to take classes. I was out of shape and didn't want to exercise with others. Now that I am in pretty good shape I really want a gym that offers classes. There are many near me but I am in a tough spot. My contact with my current gym goes until December. I only pay $20 a month, so part of me is tempted to join a gym I actually want to use and just deal with spending the extra 20 from now until December. But part of me thinks it's wasteful and I should just hold out.

I know I would use the new gym more, and really challenge myself physically, but I don't know. It's not even the $20, because that's not a lot of money, it's just that it seems WASTEFUL to throw $20 a month away...

What would you do if you were me? Join another gym (with classes) and pay for both, or wait until December?

Favorite Healthy Recipes

2010-07-05T10:17:00.024-04:00

I am sure most of you know I love to cook and that I have a food blog . While I love my fitness blog, my food blog was my first baby. And like any good mother I can't say which one I love more, both are loved equally, yet both serve a different purpose for me. This blog allows me to really express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, etc. My food blog is an outlet for my main hobby- cooking. I thought it was time to blend the blogs a bit and share some of my favorite healthy recipes with you, all in one place. All of these are found on my food blog .

Breakfast Ideas

Whole Wheat Buttermilk Pancakes

Breakfast Cookie

Whole Wheat Buttermilk Scones

Banana Oatmeal Cups

Mini Cinnamon Oatmeal Muffins

Lunch/Dinner Ideas

Very Veggie Quesadillas

Slow Roasted Tomato "sauce"

Sweet and Sour Chicken Stir Fry

Crockpot Roasted Chicken

Creamy Noodles

Peanut Noodles with Chicken and Veggies

Light and Creamy Chicken Enchiladas

Last Minute Lasagna

Lighter Chicken Francese

Baked Egg Rolls

Japanese Cucumber Salad

Garlic Rice Pilaf

Chicken and Asparagus in a Marsala Reduction

Snacks/Desserts

Vanilla Buttermilk Pound Cake

100 Calorie Pack Cookies

Banana Chips

Oatmeal Crispies

Happy Cooking!

Weekly Groceries

2010-07-03T15:20:00.010-04:00

Grocery shopping is a hobby of mine. I know, I'm a sick sick person. What can I say, I love food. I love meal planning, I love cooking, I love blogging my food on my food blog . I also enjoy seeing how different my cart looks these days. I used to buy 95% processed food, now I try to stick to the perimeters of the store. We all know that's where the healthier items are so it's a good place to stay. This week I only needed TWO items that weren't on the perimeter and one of them was dried fruit. Not too shabby.

I know most people think eating healthy is costly but this is my weekly shopping and it cost me $55. That's it. Now I know if you eat a lot of meat your bill will be more, I only bought one thing of chicken, but the way I keep the cost down is to buy big bags of frozen shrimp from Costco and then packages of chicken when its on sale and freeze it. Meat seems to be the most costly part of grocery shopping.

I've also started switching to organic animal products (meat, dairy, and eggs). It's more expensive but it's a cause I feel strongly about so the switch has begun. I'm not 100% there yet (hence all non-organic cheese) but I am trying to start switching. Unfortunately my store doesn't have a huge selection of organic meat so I think I'm going to need to travel for meat from now on.

Here's what I needed for this weeks meals. This is for five dinners, lunches for both of us, and snacks for the week. I will also be using shrimp and several dry ingredients I already had, like tortillas, pasta, etc. I buy things like granola bars and snacks for John from Costco so I don't really purchase those too often.

Started off with romaine, bananas, pineapple,green beans, garlic, and a red onion...

Uncured bacon, turkey/cheese for sandwiches, and free range eggs...

Organic milk, english muffins, whole wheat Italian bread, and bread flour...

CHEESE! Sharp cheddar, shredded swiss and white cheddar, and reduced fat feta...

Natural chicken and raisins & dried cranberries...

Grapes, broccoli, and a seedless cucumber...

And last but not least, watermelon, a lemon, and some tomatoes.

A healthy, colorful, and flavorful trip if I do say so myself.

What are your best tips for healthy food shopping while keeping the cost down?

For The Health Of It

2010-07-02T15:08:00.002-04:00

Healthy eating. It means something different to everyone. To some, healthy eating is low-carb. To others, it's low-fat. To others it's vegan. To others it's eating clean. You get the point, right?

Well, to me healthy eating USED to mean eating less. I assumed that as long as I was eating less, I was healthy. Sure, I was living on packaged, artificial food-like substances, and I wasn't eating food in it's more natural sense, but I was losing weight and therefore to me I was healthy.

Once I stopped eating less I gained...and gained... and gained. As I was gaining I was also becoming increasingly unhealthy. Last November I ended up needing to have my gallbladder removed. Now, they say that gallbladder disease typically occurs with people who are female, fat, have a family history, and are forty plus. Hmmm... Well, female- check. Family history- check. Forty- Nope. Fat- that's up for debate. Maybe I wasn't "fat" but I was overweight and I ate a VERY high fat diet.

I never got up the nerve to ask the doctor if I caused my own gallbladder issues. At that point I was too ashamed of my weight to even dare ask such a question. He put me on a low-fat diet until the surgery and I remember thinking "THANK GOODNESS! IF A DOCTOR ORDERS ME TO DIET I WILL!" Ha! I did... for like 4 days.

After the surgery I went back to eating horrible, and boy oh boy did I pay. I would get so sick every time I ate anything fatty or fried. But did it stop me? Nope. Nothing could have stopped me when I was in that bitter cycle.

So what does this story have to do with anything? Well, my body has become very used to sustaining on a highly unprocessed diet full of fruits, veggies, and nutrient rich foods. So when I switch it up and eat food that is junky... boy oh boy do I pay. Yesterday I ate poorly. I was on the run all day. For dinner I had a mix up with a friend and went to the wrong movie theater many many towns away and had to rush 45 minutes to the next theater, so I missed dinner. What did I eat? Popcorn and pretzel nuggets that I split with this friend. OH MAN! My body was in shock. I have been sick ALL DAY.

Now, my body has always been extremely sensitive. I know most people can eat healthy and then eat unhealthy and be fine. I have found that I am just not one of those people. When I eat poorly I pay the price. Knowing this you'd think I'd just stick to foods that won't make me sick yet I still tempt fate (semi-often....) and eat things that are higher in fat/fried/etc.

It's interesting how as a society most people classify healthy food based on the affects it has on their weight. Healthy foods make you lose weight, not healthy foods make you gain weight. Truly, eating healthy is soooo much more than losing weight. Our bodies are designed to eat food- not chemically laden junk. They run best, fight diseases best, and function best when they are nourished with healthy food. Yet we have become so disconnected from this concept! We are constantly sold health food as a tool to "lose weight" that we often forget that when we eat right we are also eating for the health of it- not just to lose weight. I personally need to remember this lesson because I am so sensitive to food, but I think it's important for all of us to remember as well.

Do you notice an affect on your health when you eat well vs. not?

Trusting Your Instincts

2010-06-30T20:57:00.013-04:00

So I am warning you now, this post is going to be a little bit-o-this a little bit-o-that. Nothing deep or enlightening, but try to stay with me now.

Let's start with the food. I didn't photograph my dinner because I ate it super late but here was my breakfast, lunch, and snack.

I spent a large part of my day at a local harbor reading.

I finished that book there- I LOVED it. I then broke out my new toy.

Helloooooo lova. So fun- I enjoy my new toy!

While I was there I got totally creeped out. This guy was standing behind me singing "The Way You Look Tonight" on the TOP of his lungs. At first I thought he wanted me to look at him, but then I quickly realized there was something wrong with this situation. He was hanging from a fence, screaming the song over and over. I didn't want to leave but I didn't want to stay. I was the only person on the dock and there were 4 empty docks, so why he was next to me I don't know. This went on for 30 minutes! He then let go of the fence and started walking in my direction. At this point my heart was racing and my instincts said LEAVE. So I did. As quickly as possible.

It got me thinking of how unfair it is to be a woman sometimes! I shouldn't have to be scared, I shouldn't have to leave the dock, but I did. I also feel this sometimes when I run. I get whistles or little comments, but most are harmless, but you do get the occasional creepy person. It really annoys me that I can't go about my normal activity without feeling fear.

Yet, with that said, I definitely think that as a woman, particularly one who exercises outside on the street most of the time, it is important to trust your instincts. My instincts said to leave that dock and I did. Who knows. My instincts also say to NEVER run past this one street with this creepy guy who always sits outside and makes ridiculous comments. Trust your instincts ladies!

Aside from this, my day was rather boring. I finished a book, made a serious dent in a new one on my Nook, went for a nice walk, watched a movie... but not too much excitement. John works long hours so I haven't had anyone to hang out with today but I thought that'd be good since I've been with friends non-stop since school. I luckily avoided too much mindless snacking, although the freaking Kettle potato chips were calling my name all day! They might have a date with the trash can if I can't stop thinking about them.

So that's my randomness for today. Tomorrow I am going to the beach with some friends and then seeing the new Twilight movie! Don't hate on me for it. Have a good Thursday everyone and remember- trust your instincts!

To Weigh of Not To Weigh

2010-06-29T08:20:00.004-04:00

Hi there! Yesterday I spent the majority of the day laying in a friend's pool, escaping the 100 degree heat that is hitting NJ. Have I ever told you that I HATE being hot? Ugh... summer... I have a love/hate relationship.

So today is Tuesday and if you read this blog often you know Tuesday is my weigh in day. Since I cancelled my weight watchers subscription I more or less just weigh myself, mentally subtract the loss (or add the gain!) and then repeat it several times in my head so I memorize it for next week. Then I mooooooove on and don't harp on what the scale says. I have finally come to a point where I more or less have a pretty healthy relationship with the scale. I used to play games- stop eating and drinking several hours before, strip down to the littlest amount of clothes possible, take off socks, etc. When I worked for WW I'd watch women take off their jewelry, hair clips, etc. I even once had a woman ask me to re-weigh her in in the back so she could take off her skirt. Needless to say when you are watching your weight the scale can become an obsession.

I realize now that the scale is just one tool in measuring my success in this journey. The day I realized I could run, the time I went bathing suit shopping and didn't hate myself, and many other little accomplishments are other tools.
(source)

Weight Watchers really feels that a weekly weigh in is essential. It's one of the founding principals of WW and one that I think has afforded me great success. It's a check point, a reality check. However, as I try to follow a more intuitive eating lifestyle I have struggled with whether to weigh or not weigh in weekly. Intuitive Eating promotes breaking away from the scale. Yet, this is one area I just haven't embraced the intuitive principals. Intuitive Eating says to let go of the scale because they are working on healing your relationship with food, and I do get that. But for me the scale is my weekly check in, accountability, etc.. I am rarely completely shocked by the scale since I know what goes in my mouth, although it has happened, but I still like to see where I stand.

Now I struggle with whether or not this is truly a practice that helps of hurts. For me it feels as though it helps, but I know many people will argue it hurts. I think that since I don't dwell and don't get upset about the scale it is beneficial to see where I stand. I know that weight fluctuates and don't freak when I see little increases, but the thought of NOT weighing in scares me!

I was talking to John about it, saying Intuitive Eating looks at weekly weigh-ins as "diet mentality", and John simply said "You can do a lot of damage in a month without knowing." Hmm.... so true. Good point hubby. Yet, is that just the dieter in me talking?! I DON'T KNOW!

The bottom line for me, for now, is that weekly weigh-ins are ok because I am not getting hung up on the number. If I were then maybe I'd reevaluate myself. Yet I still feel like I'm not fully jumping into Intuitive Eating since I weigh in weekly. Hmmm.... so I wonder, do you weigh in weekly? Monthly? Never? Tell me why you do what you do- I'd love some feedback!

Bathing Suit Shopping

2010-06-27T18:58:00.006-04:00

Hey there! So, I disappeared! I am so sorry. John and I had a jam packed weekend and I really didn't get around to blogging until now. Forgive me, pleaaasseeeeee.

So on Thursday something quite peculiar happened. I went bathing suit shopping and I didn't have a mental breakdown. Now, that might be the norm for most people, but for me it's just not. I have cried in fitting rooms, cried on car rides home, cried at home, etc. You getting the trend? I'm a crier.I have also avoided going places, dreaded pool parties and beach days, and conveniently "forgotten" my bathing suit at home. I know I'm not alone, it's pretty much a known fact that most women loathe bathing suit shopping.

Well, on Thursday I went and bought two bikinis. And I didn't hate either on me. Now before you get all judgy and starting closing my blog, vowing to never return, it's not because I have transformed into a Victoria's Secret model. I don't look like this:
(source)
Rather, I gave up the expectation that I should look like that. Let me be frank with you- I will NEVER look like that. It's not in me genetically, and while I'm being honest- it's not in me to diet and exercise enough to look like that. However, for the past however many years I have avoided pleasurable experiences because I didn't look like that.

When I used to try on bathing suits I'd look at my belly and think "EWWWW!!!" and get to annoyed. Somehow I expected some bathing suit to transform me into something I wasn't, to conceal my imperfections, to instill me with confidence. Truly, this was insane since bathing suits barely have any material, let alone enough to work miracles. And surely if I am staring at my trouble zone I'm going to be displeased with the image.
(source)

What I came to realize is that I am what I am, I am who I am, and my stomach is what it is. Of all the things that I have learned in this journey, as I excelled and as I currently struggle, this has been the most liberating of all lessons. To truly accept yourself for who you are is a magical feeling. I came to realize that even if my belly wiggles a bit, or my thighs don't have three inches of gap between them, or my butt is a bit flat, I am still a person who deserves to be confident. I am still a person who is so much more than a bathing suit. AND YOU (YES YOU!) ARE TOO!

I can't teach you how to accept yourself. I know nobody could have taught me that lesson. It's just something that happened. For me what made me accept myself was seeing how much work I was putting in to be the person I am. I have always put a lot of work into myself emotionally, but when I started putting work into my physical body I came to love it in a new way. A healthy way. And I decided that being healthy is more important than being skinny.

So watch out world, I'm wearing a bikini!

Are you accepting of yourself as you are? If yes, how did you get to that point? If no, what road blocks are preventing you from getting there?

An update on honesty

2010-06-24T07:22:00.004-04:00

Hey there! Happy Thursday! I'm in this weird time warp right now. Since it's summer vaca and summer school hasn't started every day is Saturday for me. I actually had to check a calendar for what day it was! I've been filling my time with awesomeness- pedicure and sushi dates, beach days, going to see a play, getting a massage... life is good. Summer school starts in a week so I'm trying to live it up these two weeks.

So I posted my most popular post to date on Sunday. If you haven't read it yet, it can be found here. You have poured out your love to me, telling me how much you can relate to my struggle, and for that I am so thankful. It's been four days since that post and as always, life keeps going, so I figured I'd give you a bit of an update.

Things are getting better. Not perfect, not where I'd want to be, but better. The best part is that the compulsion is gone. If you haven't been as deep in food issues as I have, you are very fortunate to not understand the compulsion, but I'll try to explain it to you. It's an obsessive thought where you focus on food. For me it goes something like this "I want cookies. Just eat one. Do it. It doesn't matter. Nobody ever got fat from a cookie. Do it. Do. It." And the thoughts keep going and nagging... I can't stop thinking about it. Then I eat the cookie and does it make me feel better? Nope. Usually it then turns into a new item. "Eat the popcorn. Do it." When I ignore it the thoughts keep going. I feel a fluttering inside of me as I obsess over whether to eat or not eat the item. It's really embarrassing to type that out and then let it sit on the world wide web. I feel weak admitting that I get like that. That feeling is often the beginning of a binge. I can say I haven't binged in over 6 months and even at my lowest this week I didn't. However I know those feelings are the start.

Luckily, those feelings have passed. I feel pretty in control again actually. I just really need to stop when satisfied. Last night I ate two slices of pizza when I was good with one. However, I am ok with that because the rest of the day I was extremely intuitive. I'm back on track and if it's not perfect yet, that's ok, life isn't perfect.

My focus for the next few days is getting back to eating more fruits and veggies. That has slipped a bit and I don't want to let that slip because that is truly the foundation of a healthy diet.

So there you go, a little update on my own personal roller coaster. If you too are struggling, or have struggled and can relate, remember you are not alone. That is something I learned when I poured my heart out on Sunday. This journey takes time and the best advice I can offer is stop worrying about how long it takes. I occasionally think "My gosh... I'm not at goal yet and it's been 6 months!!!" or I see a blog or read an article where someone lost 50 pounds in the time I've lost 23. However, knowing that only 5% of all people keep their weight loss off inspires me to take it slow and figure out my issues along the way. I really want to be part of the 5%, not the 95%, and therefore if it takes 2 years to lose the next 10 pounds, that's ok. I was on the path of gaining 5-10 pounds a year over the past few years so even if it takes me a long time to lose it, at least I'm not still gaining, right? It's important to take time to look at it from a positive angle rather than beating yourself up!

How do you stay positive when things get hard?

Portion Distortion

2010-06-23T08:09:00.005-04:00

Obesity is an epidemic in our country and the youngest children in our country are the first generation that's life expectancy will be LESS than it's parents due to obesity. One in three school aged children is considered overweight/obese. The MAJORITY of our country is overweight and/or obese. And yet, we continue to get larger and larger. Obesity related diseases kill more people a year than other diseases that get more attention and prevention. Sometimes I have these daydream like fantasies of me quitting my day job and saving the world, one veggie at a time. ::Sigh::

Obesity and the factors that lead to our country being so at risk for obesity related issues are vast and numerous. One that has really been alarming to me though is portion size. I eat out a lot, ya'll know that (yea, the girl from Jersey said "ya'll"... let's all move on from it... I'm not sure what just happened). I am always shocked by how much food is put in front of me! The average entree from most restaurants should serve 2-4 people. Unless you go to a really good (fancy) restaurant, you most likely are being served way too much food. Often at fancier restaurants people complain that they didn't get enough food. I'd argue that you did- you got the proper amount- just not a family sized portion.

A serving of meat is 3-4 ounces. Your average steakhouse starts serving steaks at 10 ounces. You're already 2-3 times over your serving without adding a side dish. Since I eat pasta a lot I am so aware of how much they give me. 1 cup of pasta is not a lot. It just covers the bottom of my salad plate in a single layer. Yet when I go out for Italian I get a bowl of pasta, that I'd argue is a serving bowl rather than an individual bowl, with 3-5 cups of pasta in it.

Studies show that people eat what is in front of them. Serve someone 4 ounces of chicken, 1 cup of pasta, and 1 cup of veggies and they will be satisfied. Serve them 8 ounces of chicken, 3 cups of pasta, and 1 cup of veggies and they'll be stuffed- but they'll eat it. We live in a country that believes more is better.People love restaurants that serve huge portions- it's more bang for the buck, right? WRONG!!!!!!! Yes- I'm screaming wrong. Why you ask? Well, the money you save on the meal will not save you when your health care costs are going up because you have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, breathing problems, sleep apnea, etc.

So what can we do in a nation that thrives off of large portions? There are many options, here are just a few:
1- Split an entree with someone. John and I split entrees 80% of the time. You get used to getting looks. We just tip them well to make up for it.
2- Order an appetizer and a veggie side dish.
3- If you can't do #1 or #2, get a box and pack half, or even 2/3 of your meal before eating. Some people ask them to do this in the kitchen, I've never tried, but I know a few people who do that.
4- At fast food restaurants order a kids meal.
5- At home use smaller plates and measure out your portions until you are aware of what a normal portion is.
6- Read the back of the package! Just because the bag of chips looks single serve doesn't mean it is- it often has 1.5-2 servings in a bag. Same goes for soda. A 20 ounce bottle of soda is 2.5 servings.

Just for fun, here are some interesting graphics I found online relating to portion distortion.

And if you're new to watching your portions, here's a general guideline for eyeballing your portions. (Take the calorie counts with a grain of salt- they are very general.)

What do you do to control your portion sized, at home or at restaurants?

Thank You

2010-06-21T20:02:00.003-04:00

I need to start with a BIG THANK YOU for all of your support from my post yesterday. I received some lovely comments and emails. It was nice to hear that you liked my honesty. I was scared you'd think I was a big whining lump and never return to my lil ol' blog (ok... that's a bit dramatic- but you follow.)

I am happy to say that today was good. I ate well and intuitively. I didn't overeat, I waited until I felt hungry prior to eating, and I stopped when I was satisfied. It was nice to feel a bit of self-control again. I have truly missed that aspect of my life. Yesterday... well... not as good. We won't go there. It doesn't matter. It's in the past. What's done is done, right? Live and learn.

I am currently working on not using food as medicine. Medicine to heal boredom, sadness, happiness, etc. Food can be used to heal all types of ailments, but in reality the only thing food can REALLY heal is hunger. So today when I was bored I had to basically padlock my lips, but I didn't eat. When I felt a bit sad I turned on the TV and watched The Real Housewives of NJ (those girls always make me laugh- overeating on the other hand NEVER makes me laugh!) Sometimes I feel like a drug addict when it comes to food. I feel a compulsion to keep eating, to just take a bite. I tell myself "it won't hurt anything" or "it doesn't count." I have obsessive thoughts about the food. But then I redirect myself, I refocus, and eventually I move on. It takes time, it takes practice, and I haven't figured it all out- that's for sure- but it gets easier.

This is going to be a long journey and that's something I really am learning. I thought I "got it" and that "getting it" was all I needed. While I do "get it" I don't have all of the answers and I have a lot to learn.

I will try to update you tomorrow but I don't know if it'll happen- I am going into NYC with my mom to see Hair on Broadway- it's closing this week and apparently she loved it in the '70s. Crazy hippie momma of mine- she'll fit in just riiiight.

Again- thank you for all of your support. It means the world to me!

Being Honest

2010-06-20T07:34:00.003-04:00

Losing weight is not a linear path. You don't start off on Day 1 and continue to Day XYZ with constant success and losses. You don't make the whole journey without stumbling, without messing up. And I'm sure you already know this, but if I am being honest, I am writing this because I need to remember this right now.

The past 6 months have been relatively linear. I've only gained less than 1 pound less than 5 times. So in reality, while the scale has gone up a few times, it has always been tiny gains that disappear with the next weeks losses. Also in the past six months my attitude has stayed positive. I haven't given in to old habits, I haven't felt discouraged. It has been so successful. So successful that I began to think "This is how it will always be!"

Yea... I am having a bit of a fall from grace. And I have said in my past posts that I've been so busy, which is true, but that's not 100% the reason I haven't been posting my food... it's because it just hasn't been good. I've been eating when I'm not hungry, eating past the point of satisfied, eating an extra treat, etc. And I've been telling myself that this "doesn't count." Riiiiiiiiight.

So I got on the scale this morning for my weekend peak, knowing it wouldn't be good, but honestly- it was BAD. Up, and up a lot. Well, that's exactly the reality check I needed.

When I am eating like I have been I'm not happy. I feel out of control. I feel gross. I've been having stomach problems from eating junk my body isn't used it. I feel scared- scared that I am slowly slipping back to my old ways.

It's hard having this blog because I get emails and comments all the time saying people come here daily for inspiration. Well, I feel like telling you I am struggling is NOT inspiring. But it is the truth. And I started this blog for me so I need to be honest. And maybe this honesty will help someone who is struggling, who can relate. While I love reading health and fitness blogs sometimes the girls seem so perfect... they eat perfect, exercise daily, run marathons, never struggle with food, etc. Well people, I'm not perfect. I struggle.

I've always struggled with getting back on the horse after I fell off. I have actually never gotten back on. I'd try, daily, for a few weeks... and then abandon the plan. I'd go back months later, 5-7 pounds heavier, and disgusted with myself. I'd have success for a few weeks, then I'd slip, struggle, and give up. This went on for five years!!!! I REFUSE TO STILL BE STUCK IN THIS CYCLE!

I typically end posts like this with something like "Well- back to basics today!" Or something upbeat and peppy. I won't do that today because when I say those things I am setting myself up. All I can say is that I will do my best. I'm not willing to go back and throw away the past 6 months, so I will keep trying and keep going. Every meal is a chance to turn it all around.

What I Ate... on Monday...

2010-06-18T20:49:00.009-04:00

Yea... so based on the title you can see this post is a bit overdo, no? I'd say so. Not sure what took me so long to get to this post, but now that life is back to normal I plan to resume regular posting. I'm excited, how 'bout you?!

Breakfast was a classic- whole wheat english muffin with some nut butter. I had almond butter that day.

Did you know I had never had almond butter before this past week? Prior to reading fitness blogs I never even knew this stuff existed! I like it, it's definitely healthier tasting than my peanut butter.

I snacked on some ugly grapes. These poor buggers... all spotty looking. They tasted pretty good, so I forged on.

Lunch was light and nutritious. Special K Multigrain crackers with hummus and a salad with 1 whole cucumber, a handful of cherry tomatoes, and 1 cheese stick. I tossed it in balsamic, a bit of EVOO, and some seasonings. I don't know why but I never consider it "salad" without lettuce, but surely it is.

I also had 1 peanut butter cookie. I made these for John's lunches and needed to try one. What if they were poison? I wouldn't want to harm John, so clearly eating a cookie was necessary. Life saving even.

Now while this was good it wasn't filling enough. I got home at 4:15 ready to eat my arm, or the first food I came in contact with. I wanted something a bit substantial so I made "nachos" using whole wheat chips with flax seed and some 2% cheddar. Microwaved the plate for a few seconds and served it with organic salsa.

This did the trick and held me while I made dinner. Dinner was simple, some grilled buffalo chicken tenders, parmesan orzo, and steamed broccoli.

Dessert was another PB cookie ;) Turns out they weren't poisonous and were actually quite tasty.

So I apologize for it taking me a WEEK to post this. I am so glad to be back to normal. I went food shopping today for some produce- I was all out. Not to mention I have been making BAD food choices this week so I am in desperate need of getting back to basics. After I ate this Monday the rest of the week was busy and messy. Lots of grab-and-go food, lots of fried food (hangs head in shame...) and lots of sweets.

Back to basics, and it feels good!

Exhaustion

2010-06-17T21:14:00.002-04:00

I am sorry I haven't posted in two days but I have been drained. The school year ended yesterday and I have been moving classrooms- going from first grade to FIFTH- which has entailed lugging boxes and furniture across a school for 15 hours total. I had to empty out a completely packed/messy room and move all my stuff in, so I have been busy. I assure you I'll be back to normal tomorrow! Thanks for understanding! Until then, if you want to read a recap of my trip to the Great American Food and Music Festival (and see just how NOT healthy I was haha) check out my food blog.

100th Post!

2010-06-15T20:04:00.003-04:00

I can't believe this little baby blog already has 100 posts! It feels like 100 posts went by REALLY quickly.

On another note, today was shocking. I usually am a scale peeker. I peek at the scale a couple times throughout the week to see how it's going, but my official weigh in is Tuesday. This week I hadn't peeked once. To be honest, I was sure I had gained and figured life happens- I'll lose it and move on. So I got on today expecting a large gain.

Shockingly I was down 1.6!! I am almost out of the 130s and into the 120s. Not there yet, but THIS*CLOSE. My face was a bit like this:
(source)

Now, if you read this blog routinely you know that I have been dealing with the scale barely budging. It's been down .4, up .2, down 1, up .8. Luckily the tend has been DOWN but overall it's been a little bit at a time. So imagine my shock for 1.6. What's crazy is that I ate a lot more this week than I have in the past. So what does this tell me?

Well it tells me one of two things:
1- I may not be eating enough. I know when I haven't eaten enough in the past I have not lost, or even gained.
2- My hard work is finally catching up to me.

I am more likely to go with number 2. The scale hasn't been reflecting my hard work and I know that's because I am at a point where I don't have a lot left to lose and it's coming off really slow. But it also shows me a bigger picture, a picture that many people overlook when they are trying to lose weight:
**KEEP GOING! Eventually the weight comes off if you keep doing it and don't give up.**

I find all too often when people have a small gain they throw in the towel, say "This isn't working!" and go back to their old ways. This is so counter productive yet so many times it's the reaction to a gain. I know I personally have been there and given up! I think of how great it would have been if I hadn't given up, if I had kept working through the gains all those years ago. But we can't worry about the past, what's done is done, and now it's onto the future. I'm not sure when I'll get to gaol, it clearly might be a far ways off, but I know that if I just keep doing it I'll get there.

No day but TODAY

2010-06-13T20:23:00.005-04:00

"My diet starts on Monday!"

"After the New Year I'll get back on track."

"After that party next week there's no more excuses- I am back to the grind!"

Do any of these sounds familiar to you? I personally have said all of them at some point in my life. I was constantly waiting for Monday, constantly waiting for the next event to pass so I could get back on track. Ironically many many many Mondays passed. So did many holidays... and eventually 3 years had passed. Each year I gained and gained, skyrocketing me into the BMI category of "overweight."

When I joined WW in December I joined December 8, right before the holidays. My family celebrates Hanukkah and Christmas, so the month of December was more or less one party after another. Knowing this it would have been very easy to wait for the holidays to pass but I decided there was no day but today and I joined, losing about 5 pounds in total over the month of December.

So with all of this success one would assume I am past these little bargains, these little deals, these little promises that "tomorrow will be the day!" And yet if I am being honest, I'm not 100% past this. I'd say I'm 95% past it, but there has been this little voice in the back of my mind saying "Don't stress your eating- summer vacation starts Thursday- you can get back on track then." Then the sane, rational side says "You don't want to eat like crap- there is no reason to wait for Thursday!" I feel a bit like this:

(source)

This week has been loaded with events ranging from a food festival featuring restaurants from around the country (and Paula Dean and the Neeley's.... need I say more?!), an end of the year school party, two dinners out with friends, and dinner out with my sister. Basically what I am getting at is I was eating out a lot with food being the focus of all of these events. While I can eat out with the best of them not having ONE MEAL at home in the course of a week can make for a challenge, and some challenging mental thoughts.

While I don't follow WW in the sense of counting points any more I do use many of the other tools still, and one I am really trying to use right now is reframing. Reframing the situation from "I'll start Thursday" to "I'm doing my best now and it will get even easier Thursday!" I decided to list things I can do to reframe my thoughts:

1- Pack a healthy lunch to take to work.
2- Make my breakfasts protein rich and filling fiber rich grains.
3- Exercise!!
4- Write a list of all the healthy meals I want to make starting Thursday when life goes back to normal.
5- Remember how far I've come and how unwilling I am to go back!!

I know many people can relate to the diet mentality of "waiting for Monday" or waiting for the next big event to pass. I assure you that this is an extremely unhealthy way to think and this only leads to being disappointed in yourself when another Monday passes.

Life DOES get in the way from time to time, I am seeing that first hand, but we all choose what goes in our mouths and what doesn't. You cannot wait to be healthy, you need to actively take the steps to change any behaviors that are deterring you from success. Small changes over time lead to big changes in the long run, and we can all make small changes TODAY!

Eating Out and Losing Weight

2010-06-12T22:07:00.010-04:00

I am currently stuffed to the gills! John and I met up with my sister for dinner. We sat outside at an Italian restaurant, listened to a live band that was WAY too loud, and ate WAY too much. Ahhh... how enjoyable (not!) Well the meal was enjoyable, I had this salad with their famous house dressing (it wasn't on it yet but it's the best dressing ever!)

My sister and I also split an order of baked ziti... way too much pasta. I ate a little bit less than 1/2 of this serving. Cheesy, heavy, pasta goodness. No wonder I am stuffed.

After dinner John and Mel wanted to get dessert so we got gelato. I didn't eat much of this, less than 1/2 of it... I was so full. I really shouldn't have even gotten it because I was not in the mood... One day I'll learn.

Crazily, this is a KIDS scoop. Way too much ice cream to be considered a kids serving if you ask me.

I came home so stuffed but still needed to workout so I went for a walk around my development. It was dark so I didn't want to leave my development. I walked it 4-5 times, or about 20 minutes. Not much, but better than nothing!
-----------------
But let's back it up to earlier in the day. I started off with some almonds and craisins.

Lunch was eaten out at Panera. We were out all morning and were both starving at around 11:30, so this was the healthiest on the go option.

I got the new tomato, mozzarella, and basil salad with chicken noodle soup and whole grain baguette. I ate 1/2 the soup, 1/2 the bread, and all of the salad (without the croutons. John took those from me)

Since lunch was so early I needed a snack before dinner. I had some peanut butter filled pretzels and pineapple.

_______________________
I realize I eat out a LOT. I find I have a lot of social obligations, meetings, and just events that require me to eat out. Aside from that John and I truly enjoy eating out, nearly as much (occasionally more!) as I enjoy cooking. I know some people really struggle with eating out and losing weight. I know it may definitely slow my efforts, but for the most part I think it doesn't have that negative of an effect (heck- I lost all 23 pounds eating out numerous times a week!)

I think the trick to eating out and losing weight is to ask yourself "Is this a special occasion?" If it is, give yourself some more wiggle room. If it isn't, remember to be healthy and mindful- it happens to be just a regular meal only not in your house. Tonight was NOT a special occasion but I ate like it was one (hello cheesy pasta AND ice cream!) I find that as long as I follow these guidelines most of the time I can still have success and eat out.

I think the biggest thing to remember when eating out and trying to lose weight is to watch your portions and load up on veggies. Portion sizes in almost all restaurants are too large, often enough to feed a family of 3-4. John and I split entrees 50% of the time to avoid the huge portions. I order an appetizer and a side of veggies often. And other times, I order whatever I want and eat until I am satisfied.

So if you currently are avoiding eating out remember it can be done and it should be done if it is something that gives you pleasure! I could never give up restaurants and would never be able to sustain weight loss that involved excluding nights out.

Do you eat out often? What strategies do you use to ensure your health stays a priority while eating out?

Off to rest- a big day ahead of me tomorrow! I am going to a food and music festival and PAULA DEAN and THE NEELEY'S will be there- let's hope I meet them.

Mind Games

2010-06-11T20:06:00.004-04:00

I play a little game with myself quite often. If I work out 5 days a week I'd say I play this little game 2-3 of those days. It starts with a thought, a simple thought, that maybe I could skip my workout that day. I then think about my week and if I could feasibly skip it... Normally the answer is NO! So next enters the second phase of the game... I say to myself "Well, you can't skip it, but you can do yoga late tonight when you're bored instead of an intense/sweaty workout." Problem is, I rarely get bored... However I debate this for a bit... eventually settling on this being my game plan.

Then around 7, and almost always around 7, I get a burst of energy and decide I MUST go run/power walk. I lace up my sneakers and off I go.
(source)

What's so silly about this game is I always end up going out and doing my scheduled activity... yet for some reason I spend so much time and energy convincing myself to skip it. HUH?!?! The weirdest part to me is I LOVE EXERCISING! I never thought I'd say that but it's just part of what I do now... so I'm not sure why I waste so much brain power on convincing myself to skip it. ::Shrugs::

I used to hate working out. LOATH it. I used to fear getting sweaty because I didn't want sweat marks on my clothes... now it doesn't phase me, it just shows I was working hard. I also don't feel my best if I don't workout 5 days a week, so what's with the game play?! For me I think it's feeling short on time and not wanting to devote an hour to activity. However, I find that when I workout I feel more energized and therefore am able to better use my time.

After playing that game all day I went out for a run. I went for 45 minutes with a combo of walking/running. I tried to go to the track again but there was some high school event going on and didn't think they wanted my slow butt running around their game. So off to the road I went!

On another note, I won't go into the food today because I refuse to focus on it... but let's just say it wasn't good. I ate a lot of sweets and this picture kind of summarizes my day...

(although let me assure you I did NOT eat the whole box!)

Anyone else play a ridiculous game when it comes to exercise? How do you stay motivated to continually workout?

Just The Food

2010-06-09T21:05:00.008-04:00

Happy Wednesday! I cannot believe that tomorrow is the last Thursday of the school year. We end one week from today and while I am excited I am slightly sad. My class this year... no words. They are amazing. Also it's my last year in first grade which was always where I pictured myself. I am really looking forward to teaching fifth though- it will be a whole new challenge.

Today started off with a piece of whole wheat bread with some peanut butter and jelly, and a banana.

Lunch was a chicken panini and salad.. I had this triangle of the sandwich plus part of an additional triangle and lots of salad.

I may have had two tiny pieces of chocolate also... I'm just saying, it may have happened...

I snacked on some grapes and peanut butter pretzels this afternoon... the grapes look strange in the photograph, very prickly vines, but I don't recall them being like this... perhaps I was too busy eating them. Hmm... reminder: SLOW DOWN when you eat Stephanie!

After this snack Jillian Michaels beat my butt... I haven't done 30 Day Shred in for-e-ver so my arms were feeling it today. A nice burn if I do say so myself.

Dinner was perfecto- some sauteed shrimp in BBQ sauce, piece of a whole wheat roll, and green beans with cherry tomatoes in a mixture of olive oil, balsamic, and red wine vinegar. I shaved some parmesan cheese over the top for fun.

Dessert was 1/2 a bag of pretzel M&Ms and some Nilla wafers.

I'm keeping it short today and just showing the food. I have STILL been running nonstop so I need to recoup. Luckily the year ends soon and it'll be back to normal. Can't wait. I think the summer off will really give me an opportunity to work on my intuitive eating and really get a firmer grip on this... I sure do need it. While I am losing still, it's painfully slow, and I know having time this summer to concentrate on my health will really help.

Have a good Thursday everyone!!

Random Thoughts

2010-06-08T21:48:00.002-04:00

Hey there.

Sorry for a lack of post yesterday- I didn't get home until 9:30 and the Real Housewives of NJ comes on at 10... so clearly my priorities were on TV. My deepest apologies... now if only I could claim I wasn't watching trashy reality TV, but I was, so there.

Today was another crazzzzy day. Work has been ridiculous. I am moving to fifth grade from first grade so I have been packing everything I own and trying to pawn a lot of my stuff off on others. It's been busy. I didn't get home until 9 tonight... so I am keeping this short and random. Try to stay with my flow of thoughts here:

*I weighed in today... down .8. Fine. Whatever. I was up .6 last week. CLEARLY I have mastered the art of maintaining at this point.

*I know I won't lose weight with Intuitive Eating until I start eating a bit more intuitively- aka stopping when I am satisfied. I definitely am pushing it a bit more than I need to.

*I haven't worked out in 2 days. I can't wait to workout tomorrow.

*I haven't gone to the gym in a month- I really hate my gym. There are no classes and nothing appealing except the price. I can't wait for my contract to end so I can join a better gym.

* I am shocked at the serving size restaurants serve. I went out for Mexican with my college roommates tonight and my plate of arroz con pollo could have easily served a family of four. No wonder our country is so obese.

* I am listening to a lecture series on nutrition and I am really enjoying it. I will post all about it soon so you can pick it up if you are interested in that kind of stuff- a lot of the information is stuff I know but most of it is new info. Some is too scientific for me, but I am loving it.

* TODAY MARKS 6 MONTHS OF MY JOURNEY TOWARDS A HEALTHIER LIFE. I just realized that as I was typing this list of randomness. 6 months ago I thought I'd never, ever be healthy and happy again. I can't believe how far I've come.

* Sometimes I get SICK of being patient while waiting to lose the last 10 pounds... but I know it's my own fault... I am eating very healthy and slowly losing, but if I want to really lose it I need to eat more intuitively... although maybe I'm at my natural weight, in which case I won't lose anymore... but I'm pretty sure I'm not...

Enough randomness for one night... Must go read. I'm still not even 200 pages into this book and it's been 4 weeks... I'm not loving it but I want to... so I keep trying to love it. We shall see. I'll be back with more fluid thoughts tomorrow!

Short on Time

2010-06-06T22:12:00.004-04:00

I am going out of my mind tonight. Truly and utterly out of my mind. AHHHH!
(source)

The craziness started Friday into Saturday morning with me making tons and tons of food for my sister's graduation party. Tonight after I got home from the movies with my friend Maria I had to make favors for a baby shower... that took 3 hours. Then I realized it was 10 at night and I hadn't thought about food for the next day.

Now, prior to changing my lifestyle this wouldn't have been a problem. Grab a Lean Cuisine and a 100 calorie pack and I'd be out the door. Unfortunately it's not that easy these days. So there I was at 10 at night making a huge green bean and tomato salad for work, cutting up fresh fruit, packaging out a portion of cereal, etc. Being healthy truly does take more time, but there are definitely some time saving tips that can keep you ahead of the game. Now, if only I followed my own tips...

1- When you buy fruit like pineapple, watermelon, or other large fruits cut it all up right away so it's ready to go. You can even take it one step further and place servings in tupperware containers for grab-and-go convenience.
2- Make a large salad on Sunday and keep it in a glass bowl. Then you can take individual portions out as you need it (keep wet ingredients on the side).
3- Wash and cut up fresh veggies so they are ready.
4- Plan ahead! Know what you are making for dinner each night for the week and shop accordingly.
5- Meal plan your breakfasts and lunches. I do this so I know my basic food groups are covered for the day and it's easier to make lunch when I know what to grab.
6- Buy meat in bulk and package it in individual servings, then freeze it.

What time saving tips do you have? I'd love to use some!

In other news, I attempted to go to the track and run again. MAJOR fail. First of all, it was over 90 degrees and I was so hot. Second, I had my "to do" list on my brain and couldn't relax. Third, there were 10 guys playing soccer on the football field and every time I'd run past they'd kick the ball out of bounds so I'd have to get it for them. I caught on around lap 4 when I realized the ball only magically went out of bounds when I went past and not the three other male runners. At that point I gave up and went home. Hump. It's ok, there's always tomorrow :)

Sorry so short- I am in need of relaxation and time with the hubby!

Food Habits

2010-06-04T20:00:00.002-04:00

A few days ago something really strange happened. I mentioned it in passing in this post, but that night I had McDonald's for dinner. Totally not a big deal, not a healthy choice, but not earth shattering. The weird part was I DIDN'T WANT IT. As I was driving there I was having an internal argument with myself. I was saying "You don't want this. Turn around. Well, you already drove here, just go in. No- don't go in. Go home!" I felt nutty thinking these things, but I was seriously debating it the whole time. Then I got there, ordered my kids meal, and debated throwing it out. You see, my new healthy self doesn't want fast food. However, that night, something stronger took over... habit.

I eat dinner alone most nights because John works like a mad man. One of my old habits used to be to go get McDonald's and eat it in front of the TV. I wonder how I became overweight... hmmmm.
It was just something I did without much thought. So two nights ago, John was working late, and something in me went on autopilot. The weird part is I haven't had/wanted to have McDonald's in almost 2 months, and John has certainly worked late most of those nights.

This got me thinking about food habits. Things we do without even realizing it. Some common food habits I know of are as follows (I'll bold the ones I used to do):

1- Eating in front of the TV.
(This girl kind of looks like me too- freakyyyy)

2- Always stopping at XYZ on the way home and picking up XYZ to snack on. (replace XYZ with whatever it may be for you)
3- Eating a sweet dessert at night, even if your not hungry.
4- Getting popcorn/candy at the movies, just because you're at the movies.
5- Walking through the front door after work and grabbing a handful of XYZ without even thinking
6- Grabbing some food off your partner's plate (or children's) before we eat our own. (I did this often with french fries- I wouldn't order my own, I'd just eat all of his)
7- Ordering an appetizer and a dessert at a restaurant.
...and the list could go on and on and on...

The danger of food habits is that when something is a habit, you aren't listening to your bodies natural cues. When I came home from school and grabbed the bag of Tostitos every day, I wasn't listening to see what my body really wanted. I was stuffing it with chips. And THEN I'd listen and say "Oh, I think I want cheese!" So I'd have some cheese. Now, I had already eaten about 300 calories worth of Tostitos before I even got to the cheese, which was what my body actually wanted. Had I learned to break the habit and listen to my body, I'd have consumed just the cheese at a fraction of the calories.

The best way I have learned to stop food habits is to alter some with healthier options and stopping some all together. First you have to evaluate your habits. Which ones are hurting your chances of achieving your goals? Which ones could you easily let go of and not miss? Which ones do you love, but need to find a way to do it smarter?

For me breaking my food habits went something like this:
I USED TO stop at McDonald's to get dinner when I was alone.
I NOW cook my own food or stop for sushi, Saladworks, or another healthy alternative.

I USED TO come home from work and eat about 400-500 calories of junk without thinking.
I NOW plan an afternoon snack just like any other meal- balanced and nutritious. I set it out on a plate and eat it- not from a bag.

I USED TO eat 1/2 of John's fries when we went out before I even ate my own meal.
I NOW either don't touch his fries or I take a few onto my plate and that's what I get- no picking off of his plate.

I USED TO eat something chocolate every single night.
I NOW do that most nights, but I am fine with having fruit or something else, or nothing at all. I listen to my body.

I USED TO eat for habit.
I NOW eat for health.

What are some habits you struggle with? How have you found ways to overcome them?

Good Eats

2010-06-03T20:44:00.008-04:00

Before I even start, thank you so much to all of you for your kind words about my run last night. It meant SO much to me. I am still really excited and am hoping to squeeze in a run tomorrow, although I'm not sure it will happen. My sister's graduation party is Saturday and I am making 4 different kinds of dessert plus a full tray of chicken francese. I'm even taking a 1/2 day tomorrow to fit it all in... so running might not happen, but we shall see.

Yesterday was very reflective of how far my fitness has come. I am much stronger and much more capable. Today was an example of how far my nutrition has come. When I used to be "healthy" in the past my food consisted of 100 calorie packs, Lean Cuisines, small portions of high calorie foods, and no fruits or veggies. Yet, I lost weight. I lost 20 pounds actually! But I gained it all back... and then 15 more. Because I never learned to eat healthy. I am still learning and still working on always making the best choices. It's not easy because I am undoing years of bad habits, but I have come so far. One year ago I barely ate fruits or veggies. Now I try to make those the base of my meals. I am really trying to snack on whole foods rather than processed foods and only eat one dessert a day. It takes work, but I am really happy with how far I have come.

Today for breakfast I had some Cheerios and a banana... not together. I know most people like that combo, not I... soggy bananas are for the birds.

Lunch was a big salad. It consists of one romaine heart (the whole thing), 3/4 of a cucumber, 1/2 carrot (shredded), a pinch of shredded cheddar, some peanuts, and a few Craisins. I topped it with light ranch and had a toasted Arnold's sandwich thin with Laughing Cow cheese.

I had some strawberries for dessert:

After work I went to participate in a research study for teachers. It was interesting and they paid me $150 to talk to them for 90 minutes! Good deal, right?! I knew I'd be famished so I brought along this snack: 1/2 apple with some cheddar cheese cubes:

I was quite hungry when I got home so I snacked on some peanut butter filled pretzels. These things are goooood but I warn you- measure out a serving and put them away. I bought these at Costco so prepare to see them often on the blog.

Dinner was perfecto. I sauteed some zucchini and onions with tomato sauce and tossed it with whole wheat spaghetti. I will blog it on my food blog soon. Healthy and tasty.

Dessert isn't photographed but it will be two chocolate chip cookies. I have been craving cookies and really needed them. I've been ignoring this craving and it's just not going away, so cookies it is.

Overall, a pretty nutritionally sound day. I am really working on incorporating as many fruits and veggies into my meal plan as I can. While I still have a way to go with my eating I need to take a minute, pause, and realize how far I have come. Next weeks will be 6 months since I started changing my life and I am down 23 pounds, in the best physical shape of my life, and have really reformed my eating. I can't wait to see where I am six months from now!

Cloud 9!

2010-06-02T20:32:00.006-04:00

If I could float away I probably would right now. I am seriously on cloud nine. Why you ask?! Well, let me tell you.

I just recently started increasing my running during my power walks. For the most part I'd run a couple blocks, maybe a few minutes, and then go back to walking. I've noticed that I am feeling progressively stronger so I decided to see what I was capable of. And boy oh boy did I surprise myself.

I decided to go to the local high school. It's about 1/4 mile away so I walked there, wondering if I was even allowed to run their track. Clearly I was and I wasn't the first person to think of this- there were quite a few people there. So I looked at the track and thought "Here goes nothing!"
(source)

I went around the track 12 times, about 3 miles, and ran 6 of the times!!!!!!!!!!!! The whole darn thing people!! I used to be a quitter when it came to exercise. I NEVER pushed myself, I quit the second it hurt. Not this time. Believe me- it hurt. Three months ago I could barely run 2 blocks- now I ran 1.5 MILES. And to top it all off, I was feeling perky so I ran the whole way home. I felt completely and utterly invincible. I felt like Rocky!
(source)

As I was leaving the high school a woman pulled me over and said "Quite the workout, huh? How far did you go?" So I told her 3 miles, running 1.5. She started going on about how impressed she was and how she wishes she could do that. I told her how I couldn't have a few weeks ago, maybe even a few days ago. She asked my advice... and without thinking I said "Just keep doing it. Don't stop- eventually your body will change."

I wasn't thinking, I was dripping in sweat, not really in the mood to chat since I was trying to breathe, but without knowing it I basically figured out my own personal motto on this journey- just keep doing it.

Ironically, prior to this run I had had a bad day. I made a bad choice for dinner, a choice I didn't even want, and I was going to write a "confessions" post about how guilty I felt. Yet I realized something as I ran around that track- little slips, a few chicken nuggets for dinner, aren't what matters. It's the continual day to day effort. It's the big picture. It's what you do MOST OF THE TIME that makes the biggest impact. It's not about the little mistakes you make- it's all a part of the process.

And for anyone reading this who doesn't think they can do it- you can. Believe me I never in my life, NEVER, thought I could run a track once, let alone 6 times plus the trip home. I was not an athlete and to me running was something you did if a murderer was chasing you, not for fun. But now I am addicted and I can't wait to see what my body will surprise me with next!

Have you ever been surprised by your own abilities? I'd love to hear your stories.

Self Esteem

2010-05-31T17:56:00.006-04:00

Happy Memorial Day everyone! I hope you all took time to remember the true meaning of the day, as well as enjoyed some sun and fun at a BBQ or with family.

I distinctly remember how I felt last Memorial Day. We went to a BBQ at our friends James and Jen's house. I remember standing by the dessert table and eating cookies, brownies, cupcakes, etc. I remember thinking "Enough already!" but I kept on eating. I was more than full, but I ate my way through the dessert with no problem.

That day also was challenging for me for another reason. There was a girl there that I hadn't seen since my sorority days who I used to be friendly with. When I graduated college I was at my absolute smallest- a size 2. At the BBQ last summer I was approaching my biggest- a size 10. I remember standing there in what HAD felt like a cute outfit before I left and wishing I could just disappear. I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I had gained so much weight and even more ashamed that someone was seeing me like this.

It wasn't my size, or the weight, but rather my outlook and lack of self confidence that made that whole experience horrible. My self confidence, or lack thereof, made me feel a lack of self-worth. I had allowed myself to get to a point where I judged myself based solely on my weight and size. What I really needed was some self esteem.
(source)

I still work on being confident. For so very long I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of how I looked. And then one day I woke up and thought YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. IF I DON'T LIKE HOW I LOOK I MUST CHANGE IT! Today at the BBQ I was much more confident. I felt more slender and certainly more healthy than I had in the past.

However, it's a constant battle to look beyond the weight and see that we are all beautiful, no matter what size we are. We are our own worst enemies. Today alone I looked in a full length mirror and thought "WOW! I look good!" I then went to the bathroom mirror, 10 feet away, and thought "EW! My arms are so fat!" Yup, this little flip was about 30 seconds later. I am my own worst enemy.

For me the best way to gain more confidence and self esteem is to stop judging my self-worth based on the number on the scale.

(source)
I try to look at what I can do now that I couldn't do before:
1- I can RUN! Last night I ran my whole development. 3 months ago I couldn't run up my street. I also ran 15-20 additional minutes.
2- I eat healthy- and like it!
3- I have self-control, which I never thought I had.
4- I love myself. And that is the most important thing of all. We only get to do this life once- we must learn to love who we are.

I encourage you, each and every one of you, to remember that you are beautiful at whatever size you are. Life is so much more than weight. And while I say this, I too struggle with remembering it. Yet in my heart I know it's an invaluable lesson that we must all learn.

You are beautiful- just as you are!

What I Have Learned So Far

2010-05-30T07:29:00.004-04:00

One reason I love writing this blog is because it forces me to analyze myself. As I was writing last night about my dinner experience I had a revelation. I realized that at dinner I ordered something I didn't really want (a kids order of tortellini with sauce) because I knew it'd be a smaller portion. What this showed me is that I still, deep down, don't trust myself. I don't trust myself to have a large plate of food in front of myself and eat just until I am satisfied. I am used to years of doing WW and worrying so much about my portion size because I used to clean my plate since I had already counted the points. I haven't completely let go of the dieter in me! This was so enlightening, and something I didn't even fully realize I until I typed this out. What I wanted to order was chicken topped with mushrooms, tomatoes, asparagus, and cheese in a white wine sauce. It came with veggies and potatoes. Overall, a MUCH more nutritious meal. Yet I went for the smaller portion because for years I associated portion size with being healthy.

This was truly a light bulb moment and it got me to think about all of the things I have learned so far with intuitive eating. Here's what I have learned about myself.
1- I am satisfied with far less food at meals than most others. However, I need to eat more frequently than others. I am a snacker and therefore need to make sure I have lots of nutritious foods around to snack on.
2- I DO have self control. The whole time I did WW I was constantly dreaming of foods that I thought of as too many points.
(source)
I used to think that I couldn't control myself around temptations. But that is because I wasn't giving myself permission to eat foods I considered temptation. (Disclaimer- I know this was my own fault, not WW, I know you can eat anything on it. I was obsessive- I didn't allow myself many things. That's why I needed to heal my relationship with food.) I can keep candy and cookies in the house and I won't gorge myself when I know that I truly can have them if I want them.
3- Food is not something to fear. We live in a society that is obsessed with food. Both with eating it and NOT eating it. Watch commercials- most are about food and dieting. We are a country that has lost complete contact with ourselves when it comes to eating. We look to the latest and greatest diet to tell us what to eat. We read articles in magazines that tell us what "power foods will fight cellulite" and what foods will "make you lose 20 pounds- guaranteed!" IT'S ALL A SHAM! We need to get back in contact with who we are, what our bodies really need, and how much of it we really need.

I've learned a lot of little things, but those are the big ones. The main thing I am working on now is listening to myself. I hear a little voice inside me say "You're good now- stop eating" and I normally shut that voice up with more food. The problem is, once I hear that voice, if I keep eating I don't hear it again. Once I ignore my body cues I am on my own until I get too full and I am in pain. I have learned that I tend to not want to stop because I like the food and it tastes good. But truly, after the first few bites, it doesn't taste AS good.

So here's what I NEED to do to listen to my inner voice.

1- Eat slower. Put the fork down between bites and think, "Do I need more?" I currently eat too fast. I know eating slower is the key for me.

2- Pace myself. I get so happy when the food comes that I tend to fill up on the first item I see, be it bread, salad, etc. Especially when it comes to situations where there will be multiple courses. Tonight we are going out to celebrate my grad school graduation and we are going to this Chinese place where there are 4-5 courses. I want to try everything so I need to not finish anything. If I finish the soup and egg roll I certainly won't have room for my dinner. I need to learn to take a few bites and STOP when I know there is more food to come. I never used to understand people who'd say "Oh no thank you- I'm saving room for dessert." I used to think "Why save room? I always have room for dessert!" But that's not true. When you eat intuitively you realize you do fill up, and quickly. It becomes essentially to save room if you want to eat more later.

3- Be ok with stopping, even when it tastes good, because there is always later. For me this goes back to 1 and 2. If I am eating slower it will certainly help. Also, I think taking less food to begin with is helpful for me when it comes to stopping. I do need to be conscious of portion sizes, but not to the extreme of yesterday where I ordered something I didn't want just so I could watch the portion.

Overall, the biggest thing I have learned is that I LOVE living a healthy lifestyle.
(source)
And in order to continue doing that I need to fuel my body with healthy foods AND learn when to eat/stop. It's a learning process... that's for sure.

What have you learned about living a healthy life?

Constantly Learning

2010-05-29T22:55:00.009-04:00

::Yawn:: Hi there. It's almost 11 and while that is early for a Saturday night for many of you, it's not for me. I typically don't alter my schedule on weekends. I go to bed at the same time and wake up the same time as I do on weekdays unless we are out, so it's about that time.

I am so happy to report that I am back to normal. For the past few days I have been so off. Not wanting to exercise, struggling with my eating, etc. I don't know what happened but this morning when I woke up I just felt normal again. While I hadn't been overeating per say my thoughts weren't healthy. I was beginning to think an old familiar bad thought- "Summer is around the corner- I can refocus then." AHHH! NOOOO! I've worked too hard to let a month go by without focusing on my health. And truly I'm not deprived so why do I need a month off? I don't.

I think I was dreading my exercise and for me dreading exercise often leads to stopping, which often leads to giving up on the healthy eating too. So to combat it I gave myself an extra day off and scheduled time for activity the following day, Friday. That way I knew I'd get my exercise in and I knew the "slump" had to end. It worked out and I feel back to myself today.

I think part of this learning process is also learning when to take a step back. I was dreading exercising on Tuesday and Wednesday (and Thursday also now that I think of it!) and I NEVER dread it. I usually either look forward to it, or at the very least just do it without much thought. It's part of my schedule, just like showering or brushing my teeth. So it scared me to suddenly be hating the idea. But taking a few days off to rest was useful. Otherwise if I hadn't I may still be dreading it and I know that would eventually lead to me giving up, which is not in the cards.

-------------

The day started off with an old standby- whole wheat toast with PB and some grapes. These grapes are some of the best I've ever had. I'll be sad when they're gone.

I then went walking/jogging for a little over 30 minutes. My legs felt heavy which was so weird. However, I had a great walk because I watched Mother Nature do a complete 180. When I left it was dark and cloudy. I wore water resistant shorts and shirt so that if it poured my clothes wouldn't be sticking to me uncomfortably. Yet, about 1/2 way through the clouds left, the sun started shining, and I began to pick up my pace. I LOVE THE SUN!

Lunch was simple but tasty- chopped assorted peppers, a cheese quesadilla on a whole wheat tortilla, 4 Sun Chips (stolen from John!) and some salsa:

I found this meal nice and satisfying. I did share the peppers with John... I'm nice like that. But after finishing this I needed something sweet. I found this mini Hershey bar in my cabinet and decided it was mine. ALL MINE.

Tonight was really fun. We went to one of my favorite Italian restaurants with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They have this pizza bread that is unreal. It's essentially sicilian pizza without cheese. So tasty. I had this plate or salad and bread (x2).

This place has NEVER heard of portion control and their portions are nutty so I ordered off the kids menu. My choices were beyond limited so I went with the cheese tortellini in marinara. I didn't even eat 1/2 of this... closer to 1/3 I'd say.

It truly wasn't anything special... just frozen tortellini in their homemade sauce. However I knew I wanted to concentrate my efforts on the salad and bread tonight. I was hoping I'd like the soup and just order soup for dinner but I didn't like the choice tonight. This was just ok so I am glad I didn't waste too many calories on it.

I am really trying to figure out a strategy that works for me at Italian restaurants. I can do sushi, Chinese, American, grills, sandwich places... all no problem. My love for bread and all things carb make Italian hard. I'd rather just eat bread and salad and pick at some food. I don't even want an entree at most places, but I know I need to eat something. I think I struggle with ordering a small portion (like tonight- the kids meal) vs. ordering what I really want and just picking a couple bites. I don't really eat leftovers so for me it seems so wasteful to order a big meal and just eat a couple bites. Now that I think about it though if I am eating truly intuitively it would make sense to order a nutritious but larger entree and just pick than order a small quantity of a less nutritious food. This is such a learning game- I truly discover new things DAILY about what works and doesn't work for me.

Back to my night- pardon my tangent. After some Mario action on the Wii we knew ice cream was in order. Enter Cold Stone. Ah, an old lova of mine. It's been so long since we have been together... I have missed thee.

Small cake batter with rainbow sprinkles. Still a ton of calories... but worth it. I certainly don't eat this often. Good to the last drop.

Costco= 7 Pounds of Fruit

2010-05-27T19:40:00.007-04:00

Happy Thursday! I am so ready for this nice long three day weekend!! It can't get here soon enough. I picked up Season 2 of True Blood on DVD yesterday and I can't wait to watch it with John. Season 1 was so amazing I can hardly wait to see what happens.

So my plan to reread some of "Naturally Thin" last night felt flat. I went upstairs, laid down, and then woke up to John getting in the shower this morning. I didn't even set my alarm so thank goodness I heard John! I just passed out. Today I did a little bit more snacking than need be, but overall I did listen to my body.

I woke up and had 3 tiny oatmeal muffins for breakfast. I woke up HUNGRY so I thought 3 would do it instead of 2 (not to mention I made them very uneven and some are tiny while others are huge). It did the trick.

Until I decided to eat a handful of Cheez-Its. Damn those orange crackers...

Lunch was a big salad and a breadstick. I ate about 1/2 the salad. And of course the whole breadstick. Ya'll know me... I don't pass on bread.

::Enter mindless snacking:: We had a "Literacy Garden Party" today at work where the kids sit outside and "read" while eating snacks their parents bring. Oh man... my kids feasted today. Two parents came with huge bags of snacks and my kids went to town. I am not sure if any books were read, but I'd assume about 34,000 calories were consumed between the whole class. I ate a couple pretzels, couple animal cookies, and a couple pieces of Pirates Booty.

In other news, I went to Costco after work and low and behold, they sell a 24 pack of pretzel M&Ms. I clearly needed that in my life. BWAHAHA. Luckily my friend Christine and I are splitting the pack but I am so excited- those are the best dessert for 150 calories. I also bought 4 pounds of strawberries and 3 pounds of grapes. Lots of grapes and strawberries in my future. Considering I eat 99% of the produce in this house this should be challenging. I plan to feed some to my students tomorrow. We are having another celebration and the last thing they need is more junk.

At Costco I bought a rotisserie chicken which I planned to use for meals in the upcoming days. I intended to make stuffed shells with the chicken but then had a real craving for chicken and mac and cheese. So that's what I did. Rotisserie chicken, organic mac and cheese (store brand- much better than Annie's IMO) and some green beans on a salad plate. Really working on those portions.

Tonight's dessert is simple- some grapes. I'm really not too hungry but I needed something sweet (and juicy!).

I skipped my workout today. Blah. I think that's why I am feeling kind of gross. I thought I ate a lot, but looking back I didn't overdo it, so I am thinking it was skipping yoga. I had a splitting headache after Costco and I decided to cook dinner and rest. I already took a rest day yesterday so I was feeling a bit guilty but life goes on. One day won't kill me, that's for sure. Accepting that not every day will be great is a key aspect of this journey. Life happens!

I'm off to go rest. I think the skies are going to open up any minute and I am quite excited for a "summer" thunderstorm.

Why Intuitive Eating is Hard

2010-05-26T21:55:00.002-04:00

Hey there.

I wasn't going to update tonight... I had dinner with a friend after work and then I came home to bake cookies for a pregnant coworker of mine who has been craving my sugar cookies. Needless to say, it's 9:50, I'm first meeting up with my couch, and I'm sweaty. Why you ask? Because I refuse to turn on the AC and it's 83* in my house (although to be honest I am turning it on tonight, enough is enough!). I also wasn't going to post because I don't have too much positive to say and if Bambi taught me anything it's if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

However, if you read my blog on a regular basis, I'm going to assume you are either a) trying to lose weight or b) already living a healthy lifestyle. Oh wait, there's a c) you're my mom or sister! HI MOM AND MELLY! So anyway, back to the point. We all struggle. We all hit rough patches. And for me to not take the time to write down my thoughts in the hard times I am doing myself (and you, my readers) a disservice. I have been so fortunate with my weight loss this time. I have lost consistently since December. I have yet to gain more than .8 in a week (which is huge to me because it shows I'm not overeating) and I have lost well. But the last few days... ugh.

I haven't been overeating. I honestly haven't. I haven't been making horrible choices. But I CERTAINLY have not been eating intuitively. Tonight for example we went to Chili's. We started with the chips and salsa. I ate a fair share and was full. But then my dinner came. So I ate 1/2 of that. I then ate a cookie I baked even though I didn't want it. I know these aren't huge deals and a few short months ago I would have eaten ALL of the meal, several cookies, and who knows what else, but I truly have had enough with this mindless eating.

I am at a point in my weight loss journey where to lose the last few pounds I need to get serious. And that doesn't mean counting calories or points, it means listening to my body. A couple weeks ago I did IE to a T and I lost 2 pounds. The past 2 weeks I played a bit and lost .2 in 2 weeks. Sweet. Not really.

I don't have a lot left to lose, maybe 10 pounds at the most, so to get there I need to stop eating when I'm not hungry. I just find it so hard to constantly be so mindful!! We don't live in a society that respects mindful eating. We are convinced that overeating and indulging is normal. And in many ways it is! It's what is all around. When I go out and I know we are having appetizers I'd be satisfied with a side salad for dinner but that would be "weird" so I ignore my body signals and order a bigger meal, and eat it too.

I think that I am going to go reread parts of "Naturally Thin" by Bethenny Frenkel. Even though I loved the book "Intuitive Eating" I find "Naturally Thin" to be more relatable. One of the principals in Bethenny's book is "check yourself before you wreck yourself" and while it's kind of silly sounding it's exactly what I need to do. I need to check in, reevaluate what I am doing, and get back to basics.

I leave this post with one thought: We are 100% in control of what we put in our mouths. It's not easy to lose weight, it's not easy to "check yourself before you wreck yourself", and it's not easy to be mindful in a society that thrives off of overindulgence. But believe me, it's worth all of the effort. If I feel this happy and confident at 22 pounds I can't wait to see how I feel at goal. And I won't get there if I don't work on listening to my body. Intuitive eating is NOT eating what you want when you want and I think I need to remind myself of that. It's eating nutrient rich foods when you are hungry, stopping when you are full, and listening to what your body REALLY wants.

And people, my body REALLY wants to lose this weight. So I am off to go reread some of the book and get refocused.

Making the Transition- Weeks 5 & 6

2010-05-25T17:29:00.002-04:00

I forgot to write up a post last week about my progress transitioning from Weight Watchers to Intuitive Eating. Well, last week I gained .4, this week I lost .6. Overall averaging out at 3 pounds lost in 6 weeks. S..L..O..W. But that's ok.

There are two sides of my brain when it comes to this. One side, the positive side, says the following things:
* It's not a race. You will get there- you will.
* You are mending your relationship with food.
* You are learning to listen to your body and honor your hunger.
* You don't fear ANYTHING anymore. I used to fear events like work dinners, weddings, showers, etc. I'd fear them for weeks. I fear nothing now.

The other side says:
* 6 weeks?! 3 pounds in six weeks?! C'MON!
* If you stuck with WW you'd be there already.

Now for the most part the positive side prevails. However when I am getting impatient I really get annoyed. My plan had always been to get to my goal weight and then switch to intuitive eating. However I switched early. So why don't I switch back? Why don't I just count my points and get to my goal? Well, I don't want to obsess. Some people don't obsess on WW, or any diet plan, but I did. And I think life is so much bigger than obsessing about what I am going to eat at a work event weeks away. If I continued to do that it would just eventually lead to me one day getting sick of that feeling and going back to my old habits, which would ultimately mean I'd regain my weight. Now with my new habits and my new lease on eating I don't think I'll ever regain my weight. I have changed my habits to the core.

However, I still really need to work on stopping when I am satisfied. I get full quickly and often just keep eating because I think there is no way I should be full. I also think things like "Well, if I stop at this point I'll be hungry in 2 hours" so I keep eating. Not huge quantities, but for example I am often full after 3/4 of a slice of pizza but I always finish it. Truly respecting my hunger signals would allow me to stop at that point because I'd just eat again in 2 hours when I was hungry.

I woke up this morning, opened my Google Reader, and saw this post on Loser for Life and was thrilled. Few people have heard of intuitive leading, less know what it is, and even less believe it can work. So reading this was great for me. I originally learned of IE from Marisa so I was thrilled to see this post.

On another note, anybody else SO excited for The Biggest Loser finale tonight?! Who are you rooting for? I personally am team Daris and am hoping he is in the top 3. I love all of them this season though, so whoever wins I'm thrilled.

Happy Sunday!

2010-05-23T19:52:00.010-04:00

Sunday night is here again. Meh. On the plus side I have like 16 or 17 more days of school until summer which is a curse and a blessing. Lots of free time is awesome but I like to keep busy. I have called a few places trying to VOLUNTEER, not get a job, and been shot down. People don't even want free labor. Whatevs. I'll figure it out.

So anyway, today was hard. After eating all of that junk yesterday my body was out of whack. I was sick most of the morning with stomach issues. Once that passed I felt like snacking a lot more than normal. I definitely ate a bit more than I would typically eat (like stealing two of John's Golden Oreos... heh. Those weren't pictured, they were devoured too quickly) but I also did get back to normal for the most part.

I found a local farmers market today which was thrilling. I've been driving a few towns over to go to one and there's one about 10 minutes away! I skipped around the market. It was a bit small, not a lot of specialty items, but the produce was fresh and cheap, the cold cuts were clean, and I was happy.

I started the day with an old standby- whole wheat english muffin with some peanut butter. Do you get sick of seeing me eat the same darn thing? I hope not...

I just love this breakfast because it sticks to my ribs and keeps me happy for hours.

Lunch was some grilled cheese, tomato, and Ever Roast Chicken. Have you had that stuff? One of the best cold cut meats I've ever had. I also had 3/4 of a cucumber and 4-5 of John's Sun Chips. The French Onion kind.... ah, so tasty.

After lunch I baked some mini muffins to eat this week. Clearly I had to try one, no? What if they were gross? I must know.

Well they weren't gross. They were goooood. Sorry the pic is blurry, I was in a rush to stuff it in my mouth. I mean... eat it gracefully... right. I made these with 2 packs of cinnamon oats and 3 packs of maple oats. A nice combo I must say.

I needed to up the fruits and veggie count for the day so I had a big ol' bowl of grapes. Grapes are the best thirst quenchers.

In exciting kitchen news I bought myself a food processor this weekend. I've needed one for ever and just never wanted to drop the dough on one, but the time had come and I needed to. SO SO amazing- how did I survive without it? So to celebrate I made some healthy tomato pesto sauce which will be on my food blog soon. I had a big salad with the remaining cucumber slices and some cavatelli with sauce. I gave John about 1/5 of my pasta. I wasn't too hungry after all of the snacking.

Now... have you seen these?! I read about them online and let out a little squeal. MUST.HAVE.THEM.

So I googled the nutritional stats to see if they were worth the calories and I felt that for 150 calories, 5 grams of fat and a gram of fiber they weren't horrible for a bag of candy.

They are full of ingredients I don't typically eat but nothing is a "never" in my life, so these fell in the "now and then" category. YUM! LOVED these. Luckily I bought two bags so I have one for a later date.

Well I'm off to do a lot of blog work... writing posts, replying to emails, etc. The job of a blogger is never done. Adios amigos!

Why I Eat Healthy

2010-05-23T09:09:00.002-04:00

I am currently sitting in bed with a tummy ache, a bit of a headache, and a complete lack of energy. Why you ask? Well, because food is fuel and you get out what you put in. Simple.

Yesterday I went to the bridal shower and ate a nice, healthy meal. I also only ate one piece of bread, proud of me? I am! But anyway, I ate a lot knowing I might not get dinner that night. Sure enough, I didn't. We had to go to the roller derby at 6 and I knew it went until after 10. (BTW- Roller derbies are AWESOME and I am a HUGE fan and John and I will be going to them again. I had such a misconception of what it would be like. These chicks were tough but they were true athletes- I loved every second. I even picked a favorite- "Suzy Hotrod"- she's a bruiser.)

Knowing I might not have had dinner, John and I decided to eat a snack. We shared some cashews and soft pretzel. Something about those pretzels on the cart in NYC just makes me salivate. Not a horrible choice, but not good. Kind of in the middle as food choices on the run go. It wasn't fast food but it wasn't an apple either. That held me a bit. But then I needed food. At the roller derby the only food was candy. Hello Sweedish Fish. Needless to see a bag full 'o' sugar wasn't satisfying. So we had some Combos on the train ride home at 11:30. Yes, so let's recap my dinner- 1/2 pretzel, some nuts, some Sweedish fish, and some Combos. OH... My.... No wonder I feel like poop today.

Now in the past I wouldn't have noticed any affect on me from a dinner like this. I lived on those kinds of foods. I though fruit snacks were healthy- it has fruit in the title, no? I thought chips were a great side dish to dinner. I lived many meals without a fruit or veggie on my plate. But I was "healthy" because it was all low fat or portioned out. SO WRONG. I was missing the boat. And today I feel the pain of my choices.

Healthy food (lean protein, nuts, low fat dairy, veggies, fruits, whole grains, etc.) fuel the body the way it was intended to be fueled. I never felt a difference when I used to eat bad because that was all my body knew. Now my body knows it deserves more. Even John was feeling the affects- he told me this morning he felt low energy because of what we ate yesterday. I LOVE THAT MAN!

I am off to go eat a healthy breakfast and get in some long, hard exercise. My body will thank me later.

HUGE accomplishment... and an intervention!

2010-05-22T08:26:00.008-04:00

Sorry I didn't post this last night, I got home from my run at 9 and was out COLD on the couch at 9:30. I woke up on the couch at 7:30 this morning, so clearly sleep was what I needed. John said he tried to take me to bed last night and I protested, claiming the couch was where I wanted to be. So that's that I suppose!

Onto my HUGE accomplishment. Now, I am not an athlete. Never played sports, actually found ways to avoid them my whole life, never enjoyed challenging myself, am not competitive... basically the exact opposite of an athlete. I also am not a runner. I used to get winded running to the end of the block. Well... I've been power walking and adding intervals of jogging/running for the past few months but I haven't been able to run more than a couple blocks without needing to walk. Last night I went out, it was getting dark, I felt a little spunky, and decided to try to run. I ran for 20 minutes!!! Now not straight, that'd be nutty, although one day I hope I can, but I ran 20 of the 35 minutes I was out. I was so proud. That's my longest time running yet. Woo hoo! I came in so proud and so exhausted. I know of C25K and all of the running training programs but I don't want to do something so structured, I just want to keep increasing the time I run vs. walk. Success.

On to the food. Breakfast was blackberries and a Banana Nut Vita Top with a tiny bit of peanut butter:

Lunch was veggie pizza. I started eating before I remembered to photograph, hence the missing bite.

I came home hungry. I had some bell peppers cut up so I had a handful of them, a few Special K Multigrain crackers, and a tablespoon of roasted red pepper hummus. I love hummus but I used to buy it and it would just go bad. My goal is to actually eat it this time.

Clearly I need to use smaller plates, my snack looks tiny on this salad plate.

Dinner was... blah. I had to return some library books and by the time John and I did that it was about 7 and I was past hungry. I normally eat dinner between 6:30-7:30, so I don't know why I felt like this, but I was starved. We went to a pizza place/Italian restaurant near the library. I was not interested in pizza or pasta so I decided to go light with soup and salad. Well... the restaurant brought out my food 10-15 minutes before John's! SO ANNOYING! I should have asked them to hold it until John's food but I didn't. Overall, it was fine. I mean it was salad and chicken noodle soup. It was good, but neither were anything special. We won't be returning there.

I also had two garlic breadsticks. I have a problem. A deep problem with bread. I blame my father. He loves bread and instilled this sick love in me. I think I need a bread intervention. I eat way too much of it. Worst of all I fill up on it. I ended up eating 1/2 the salad and not finishing the soup... why? Because I was full on bread. John said he's going to gather my family members, everyone will discuss how my bread consumption has negatively affected their life, etc. I think it shall work...

But seriously, all kidding aside, I am realizing that my bread habits are beginning to become a problem. My new goal is to have one serving of bread when we go out. If it's a roll, one roll. Not 2-3. I don't need to be eating all of these empty calories and then not touching my healthy meals because I am full. We shall see how it goes. I will be sure to update you with my bread intervention.

I'm off to do some arm work and get ready for the day. I have a bridal shower and I am going to a roller derby. Yes... a roller derby. The things I do for John...

Yoga Therapy

2010-05-20T20:06:00.007-04:00

Happy Thursday! This week went nice and fast. I'm pretty excited for tomorrow to be Friday, my favorite day.

Today I went to my old yoga class. I used to go to the intro/beginner class but now I have been going to the level 1 class. Last week the level 1 class kicked my butt and I decided to take a step back and return to my roots. Let me tell you, these "intro" classes are not at all introductory, I sweat, I grunt, and I feel toned when I leave. Today we did a lot of shin work. Who knew my shins needed work? I didn't. But apparently they do. And it hurts. We did a lot of downhill skier work too. Perfect for stretching out my legs because most of my exercise is leg intensive with the walking/jogging.

Yoga was also so therapeutic today. I was a grouch today. I was annoyed with some situations, not in the mood to deal with anyone or anything, and decided the best thing I could do for myself was exercise, get my endorphins flowing, and break a sweat. Turning to physical activity instead of cookies takes time, but one day you realize just how much more pleasure you get from exercise than food. When I left yoga I was smiling. I felt so much better and healthier. I LOVE YOGA! Now if only I were a little bit better at it...

Today I started off with some Greek yogurt and crunch dried fruit.

The combo was no good. I actually gagged at one point. I'm not sure why... I love the yogurt, LOVE the fruit (such a good healthy snack) but together I literally gagged. Who knows, I am very sensitive with food in the morning and tend to prefer carb based breakfasts to settle my stomach.

The crunch dried fruit is a new food find for me. Here's the package, front and back:

I love the ingredients list. Did anyone else chuckle when it said "Nothing else"? No? Ok.. I'm weird, let's all just accept it.

Lunch was superb. I went out with my friend Christine to a local pizza place and we split a salad and a chicken, mozzarella, and red pepper panini. This was 1/4 of the panini and it was so satisfying. I ended up going back for more and eating 1/2 of another piece... so satisfying.

Snacked on a Luna bar pre-yoga.

And then had a fully satisfying dinner. Annie's Shells and Cheddar (trying to get used to it... still prefer Kraft, but much prefer the ingredients list on Annie's) with some green beans and tomatoes, tossed in garlic, EVOO, salt, and pepper. It looks like a ton of pasta but it wasn't, it was a little over a cup, I just used a small plate, I pinky swear.

These green beans were heavenly. I got them from a local farmers market and they were SO fresh. John always says that our kids will love veggies because I cook them so well. I think as a reformed veggie hater I spend extra time making them tasty.

I'm off to go read and relax. I am currently reading (or trying to read) Outlander which is NOTHING like I regularly read, but I am trying to expand my horizons. We'll see... I'm not sold nor am I hating it. I'm only 50 pages in and it's over 800 pages so I need to dig in. Have a great Friday!

Back to Basics

2010-05-19T19:49:00.010-04:00

Howdy everyone. How's it going? I am quite a hungry beast today... to the point where I am considering locking myself in the basement haha! Sunday we went out for my sister's college graduation.

After the graduation we had a big Italian dinner. Then Monday I went out for Italian again with a friend. Then last night I met up with my sister for... you guessed it, Italian! Needless to say three nights in a row of big(ger) than usual dinners have stretched my stomach out. I hope that I am back to normal tomorrow.

Yesterday was the first time in 5+ months that I have eaten to the point where my belly hurt. Now I remember how much I HATE that feeling. I ate my body weight in bread last night and barely touched my dinner (oh, so healthy... be inspired I tell ya!) so I was feeling heavy, lethargic, and displeased. The truly positive side of this story is I have learned that I can't eat the way I used to, that's for sure. I also have learned that the feeling of a weight in my belly is horrible and I just don't want to overeat. Lesson learned. Moving on.

Breakfast was a banana nut Vitamuffin with a smear of peanut butter. Now this held me over all morning!

However, even though I was full I still ate a brownie. GAH! I had a high school student doing some observations in my room one day a month for the whole year and she made me this bag of goodies. I couldn't resist. I should have resisted haha! But I didn't... so I had most of one of the brownies, threw a bite of it away, and then divided the rest of the bag up among my students.

Lunch was ok... a wheat bagel with a tiny bit of reduced fat cream cheese and some green pepper strips. Tasty but it didn't keep me long.

I stopped at Quick Check before going to the food store because I can't go there hungry. I had a banana and a cheese stick for some protein:

I came home and jogged/walked 40 minutes. Came home famished and had a few nuts... the eating was non-stop. Probably because I ate a bagel AND a brownie today.. loads of sugar and carbs.

Dinner was ok- some pizza (x2) on a Pillsbury thin crust (doesn't compare to homemade but when you're desperate it will do!) and some salad:

It's funny how much less I am capable of eating now. My sister and I went to Carino's (an Italian chain- the food is meh but the bread is AMAZING) and I used to be able to eat LOAVES of bread alone. Last night we split 1.5 loaves, split an entree, and I didn't even finish my 1/2 of the entree, but the bread was just a weight in my tummy. So unpleasant.

Tomorrow I am going to really focus on eating a bit more satisfying/lasting foods. I think the bagel for lunch is what killed me today and made me starve all afternoon. Food is fuel and it DOES matter what you fuel your body with. It's not just about eating less to lose weight, it's about filling your body with clean, healthy food that sustains your needs. Time to get back to basics- fruit, veggies, lean proteins, whole grains... you get the drill.

How I Got Here- Part 4

2010-05-18T08:15:00.004-04:00

** If you missed the previous parts of this series part one is here, part two is here and part three is here**

Part 4

So now we are up to the present. No more dwelling on the past- woo hoo. It all started in December with a mental breakdown if you will. Crying, begging John to admit he wasn't attracted to me, you know, the normal. So not. I realized I was a basket case over weight. Truly something that I could control. It wasn't illness in the family, it wasn't a life altering event, it was weight. It was time to get a grip.

So I rejoined WW and started doing it online only. Things were going good. I was losing consistently. I lost 2 pounds the week of Christmas, 1.6 pounds the week of New Years... success all around. However, it wasn't the weight loss that made this time different, it was the mindset.

I was really focusing on eating healthy rather than just eating my points. The first 8,435 times I did WW I just ate my points. There were days where I had no fruit OR veggies. None. Actually, if we're being honest, there were 24 years where this was the norm for me. So I knew I wanted to change. I had been reading a lot of fitness blogs and I knew that they ate for health and stayed thin, so I knew that was a good path to take.

I started eating fruit or veggies with every single meal. If the meal didn't have either it wasn't a good choice. I also snacked on mostly whole foods- nuts, cheese, fruit, veggies, etc. One day I decided to substitute a 1 point processed bar for my grapes. A points a point, right? WRONG!

This bar tasted like candy and I immediately was crawling and digging through my cabinets to see what else I could eat. I stopped myself and thought "Why am I doing this?" It was a return to old, bad, mindless eating habits. So I took some time to evaluate the situation and read the label on the bar. Full of aspartame and tons of unnatural ingredients. I started tracking my bodies response to chemicals and artificial sweeteners. For me, eating these triggers a desire to eat MORE. So I decided to cut them out of my diet (for the most part- I am pretty realistic and nothing is a "never" food but I rarely eat food with aspartame or high fructose corn syrup.) Please note- this works for ME. I am not saying this is something everyone should do. For me these ingredients have an addictive effect- for many they don't.

With a focus on healthy eating I kept going. I was losing weight, getting stronger, and overcoming my food demons. I then started learning about intuitive eating and never looked back. I have since switched from WW to intuitive eating and I am loving life. I have never felt so healthy and happy.

But what made this time different?
* I think the main change was that I stopped looking at this as a journey to lose weight and more as a journey to get healthy. Losing weight is a natural benefit of eating healthy, but when the focus isn't on the weight it takes away some of the pressure.
* I stopped obsessing about the scale. If I lose-sweet. If I gain- there's the rest of my life to lose. Appreciating who I am and where I am on this path has helped me see this isn't a race to the finish line!
* I've decided I want to have kids one day that are part of an active, healthy family. And that starts with John and I. So I exercise regularly and we workout as a couple.

I can't wait to reach my goal and write part 5. But that is some time off, I'm not even sure what my goal is or if I have one, but the day I figure that out you'll be the first to know. I hope you've learned something from my craaaaazy journey! It sure was a roller coaster, but I am thrilled to now be at the base of the ride with the bumps behind me and the future ahead of me. Keep reading, we'll get to part 5 together!

Slackin'

2010-05-17T20:37:00.004-04:00

Hey there. I am first sitting down today and it's after 8:30... blah. Just one of those days I suppose! I don't know about all of you but sometimes it is just SO hard to fit everything in. Let's look at today for example. I had to work, I had dinner plans with a friend, I needed to workout, I needed to do a LOT of laundry (which may go all night), I needed to make lunches/prep food for the week, I needed to run a few errands... need need need. It seems like when there is so much you need to do working out is easy to push aside.

I have been majorly slacking with my exercising. I have been working out every other day which is just not what I like. I like 5-6 days a week of physical activity. Now that doesn't mean every day has to be exhausting, it can be just a walk, but I like to move it most days. Yeah... every other day isn't cutting it.

So I am planning out my activity for the week. If there's a plan hopefully it'll be easier to fit in. Here's my tentative plan:

Monday- 40 minute walk/jog
Tuesday- rest day
Wednesday- Gym- 30 minutes elliptical, arms and abs
Thursday- yoga (at the studio or a DVD if I can't make the class)
Friday- 30 Day Shred
Saturday- Arms & Abs
Sunday- Hiking/bike ride with John

So there. If I have a plan hopefully it'll stick. I have always stopped exercising after a few months of doing it. Now this is the longest time I have been exercising in my life. 5 months straight. I certainly refuse to slide backwards so a schedule may be necessary for the next few weeks.

Food today was standard, nothing to write home about.

English muffin with PB and strawberries for breakfast:

Lunch was some leftover chicken and broccoli and 1/3 cup rice. Also a tangerine for some excitement (sorry so blurry!)

The rest of the day is unpictured, but it was some pretzel sticks, a tossed salad, 4 ravioli, and some bread. Delish I tell ya.

I'm off to go finish the mounds of laundry... Have a great Tuesday!

A Little Facelift

2010-05-16T13:52:00.002-04:00

... and not the kind that involves a knife, either! ;)

I decided to give this blog a bit of a facelift. I kept the look simple at first because I didn't know if I'd enjoy blogging about this topic and buying the images can be pricey if I am not going to use the blog! However, two months later I am positive this blog is here for good so it's time to make it pretty. I've started the makeover with a new header and I plan to work on making it exactly what I want throughout this week. Did you notice the girl on the header looks similar to the girl on my food blog?!?! Yea... the things I feel are important...

I'm off to watch my little sister graduate college. WOO HOO! Hope you like the beginning of my blog makeover. Hopefully it'll be done by Friday!

Hiking

2010-05-15T11:00:00.008-04:00

Today was AMAZING and it's only 10:50 in the morning! I woke up early (before 7. BLAH!) and started off with some Greek yogurt, hot strawberry sauce (it'll be on my food blog soon) and some crushed nut clusters:

John and I then set off to Cheesequake State Park for some hiking action. This time we checked out the map to pick our trail:

Being ever ambitious we chose to go with the Green Trail which is about 3.5 miles, plus the yellow trail which was pretty short, maybe another mile or so.

We warmed up by sprinting up this hill. It's loooong people. I made it but I was heaving and huffing at the end.

The trail was beautiful, challenging at parts, and scenic. At many points we couldn't see far ahead:

And then there were MANY MANY sets of stairs... John and I estimate we climbed hundreds of stairs today. Some of the stair cases were so steep and some were natural made steps made out of tree vines.

There were also some beautiful areas that reminded me of the movie Fern Gully, which John has never seen! I find that shocking- I loved that movie! At one point I decided I needed to try to climb a knocked over tree. I am lucky I didn't bust my butt doing this- the tree was slick.

We had an amazing time. We finished up the green and yellow trail in about 90 minutes combined between the two. A nice way to start off the weekend!

Time to go shower and meet my sister at the mall. She is graduating from college tomorrow and I need to buy something to wear. I have no clothes that fit! Time to go buy some new stuff so I am not swimming in my clothes anymore!

Short and to the point

2010-05-14T20:22:00.007-04:00

Happy Friday everyone! I have never been so thrilled for it to be Friday. This week was loooooong. Plus work is still a tense places, nobody knows if they have a job or not next year, and it's just all around unpleasant. Blah.

My day started off much the same as it did Tuesday with two mini oatmeal muffins and some grapes. It was the last of the muffins. I cried a little bit on the inside. But fear not, I am baking them up again this weekend. I used the 10 grams of fiber oatmeal and those little buggers hold me all morning. Love love love it!

Lunch was so pleasant- John came and swept me away to a romantic lunch... at Subway. I ordered this:

But didn't eat it. Not sure what happened... it just wasn't what I wanted. I ate about 1/4 of it, the chips (because I can always be in the mood for chips) and a tiny bit of John's personal pizza. Have you had Subway's pizza? Nutritionally it's a nightmare. SO bad in the calories department... but the little bit I had was mighty tasty.

I came home from work and ate 1/2 a Luna bar before going out for a sweaty power walk.

I only went for about 35-40 minutes but I was dripping! Heat+Stephanie=No good. I could live with 75 and sunny, but once we inch into the 80s, with humidity, I droop. I polished off the remaining 1/2 of the bar when I returned.

Dinner was dynamite. John and I had something similar to this at a restaurant recently and I immediately knew I'd be recreating it at home. I made eggplant stuffed with spinach and cheese. Look for it on the food blog soon!

I served it with some whole wheat penne and green beans sauteed with some EVOO, garlic, salt, and pepper. Delish I tell you, delish.

John and I are going hiking tomorrow. I'm looking forward to kicking his booty up those hills. I'll report back tomorrow with how I did (or better yet how John did! I plan to run circles around him haha!)